


Last Resort

by Fangirl_on_a_bicycle



Series: Last Resort [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Asshole, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Cunnilingus, Drunk Sex, F/F, Face-Sitting, Happy Ending, Marijuana, Miscommunication, Strap-Ons, Unhealthy Relationships, Vaginal Fingering, because I needed it to have one, because they're both stupidly stubborn, these two deserve each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-08-24 14:47:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8376205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirl_on_a_bicycle/pseuds/Fangirl_on_a_bicycle
Summary: Neither of them are good people and Amethyst is drunk.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read the tags if you haven't. This is quite a change from how I've written either of them before; but honestly, this kind of messed-up relationship is a huge kink of mine in fic.
> 
> It's also worth noting that in my late twenties there was a number of times I did something very similar to what Amethyst does here, and I was always fully consenting, which is why this fic isn't marked for consent issues.
> 
> EDIT: Wanna listen to the music I had on repeat while writing this? I have a Spotify playlist! It does require you to have an account, though you can listen for free if you don't mind ads. Some of the lyrics directly relate to the fic, some don't. Best listened to on shuffle. https://open.spotify.com/user/aprillikesthings/playlist/7rGClkKSanJqIJsqBJ0wcF
> 
> EDIT pt 2: I keep adding songs to that Spotify playlist, even though it's been months and months since I've finished writing this fic. What can I say, I keep finding more songs that fit the feeling I was going for--though I do think my choices probably give away my age.

The lock on the front door rattled for several moments before opening and banging against the wall, then closing and locking again. Peridot swore at her video game and stole a glance at her phone: 2:25 am. Amethyst must have stayed until last call. 

Footsteps thumped down the hall and Peridot froze--would she keep going this time? 

No such luck. “Periiiii, can I come in?” 

She didn't even bother getting up. She sighed deeply and rubbed her face, putting down her controller. “What's wrong with your own room?”

“Just lemme in. Pleeeease.” 

Why. Why did she let this keep happening. 

“What do you want?” 

“Can I come in?”

Fuck it. “Yeah. Fine.” Before their other roommates noticed the racket and complained.

Amethyst pushed the door open and Peridot turned to look at her. Amethyst was in the clothes she’d picked out earlier, a tiny black miniskirt and low-cut purple top over a push-up bra, and those white ankle boots she wore everywhere. Her makeup was mostly worn off and her hair was messier than when she'd left. She twirled a bit of it between her fingers while looking at Peridot with a badly-faked bashfulness. 

Peridot, meanwhile, was only in flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt worn transparent and ragged with age. Her hair was nearly standing on end from running her hands through it every time she was frustrated by her game. 

“Are you playing video games all night again? Fuckin’ nerd.” 

“Are you getting drunk and unsuccessfully hitting on strangers again?” 

Amethyst’s face turned sour. “Fuck you, at least I left the house.” 

“And yet: your night ends with you in my room. Again.” 

Amethyst closed the door and walked unevenly over to Peridot’s desk, dropping her purse on the floor on the way over. She pushed Peridot’s chair away from the desk, and climbed into Peridot’s lap to straddle her thighs with her soft weight, boots and all. “You know you like it.”

“Shit, Amethyst, you reek of cigarettes and beer.” And sweat. And, just barely, the perfume she'd put on her cleavage before she left. The cleavage that was now directly at eye-level. The stretchy mini-skirt had slid even further up her legs, exposing more of Amethyst's thick thighs. And between them, a glimpse of red lacy undies. Jesus. Peridot’s cunt twitched in betrayal. 

“Yeah, well, you smell like Red Bull and I know when you last showered.” Amethyst slid her hands along the arms of the chair until her face was inches above Peridot’s. 

Peridot struggled to keep her voice even. “What are you doing?” 

“Hopefully fucking my nerdy roommate.” 

“Subtle.”

“I don't do subtle.” 

“Especially when you're drunk.”

“I'm not that drunk. Just a little drunk.” 

_I have to stop letting her do this. I have to stop letting her do this. I have to--aw, fuck it, just this one more time. Then I won't let her in anymore._ Peridot was lying and she knew it. The one time she'd tried to say no, Amethyst had sat outside her bedroom door--despite it being next to her own--and cried until Peridot let her in anyway. 

Peridot sat up enough to wrap her hands around Amethyst’s waist and kissed the top of a breast where it peeked out of her top, the high round curve from the bra pushing them up and together. It felt like like diving into the deep end of a pool. Like giving in. Like giving up. 

Above her, Amethyst sighed and hummed. She reached back to unhook her bra but Peridot batted her uncoordinated hands away, sucking marks into each of Amethyst’s breasts near her cleavage and tasting perfume, before undoing the bra herself and pulling back enough for Amethyst to pull her top off over her head. 

The bra and top on the floor, Peridot held Amethyst’s heavy breasts in her hands, and brought a nipple to her salivating mouth, sucking hard with a hint of teeth. 

“Aw Christ, yeah, you're good at that.” Peridot nearly stopped just to tell her she did it for her own pleasure, not because Amethyst liked it, but instead switched sides, then pushed them together and up enough that she could kiss the marks left by the bra’s underwire, the salt of her sweat stinging Peridot’s chapped lips, then moving back up to suck on soft breasts and nipples again, leaving more marks. Her own arousal increased in steady pulses between her legs. 

Amethyst clumsily pat at Peridot’s hair. “Mmm, Peri, that's so good, yeah, but--” she grabbed one of Peridot’s hands and pushed it between her legs, “--touch me, pleeeeease.” 

Peridot pulled her mouth off a breast with a pop. “Impatient tonight, are we?” 

“I'm always impatient after you suck on my tits. And I was horny before I got home anyway.” 

Peridot relaxed against the back of her chair and traced one finger lightly over Amethyst’s damp underwear and swollen labia, making her gasp--she wasn't kidding. “Yeah? Did you get as far as kissing someone at the bar for once?” 

“Jackass. No. Just from dancing.” 

“Like a cheap stripper." 

“Don’t even pretend you don't masturbate thinking about it. Now stop teasing me, for fuck’s sake.” 

Peridot was tempted to pinch her for that remark, but instead she pulled Amethyst’s underwear to one side, and unceremoniously shoved two fingers in and then pumped them in and out, making a wet noise over Amethyst’s gasping. 

“God, you're wet. You're such a slut, Jesus.” 

Amethyst didn't even notice the insult, distracted by getting what she wanted. Her eyes closed and brows knitted together and her jaw dropped and she panted, moving her hands to the back of the chair behind Peridot’s head. 

Peridot added another finger, and Amethyst started whimpering and moving enough to make the chair squeak rhythmically and her breasts and belly bounce. Wet was trickling down to Peridot’s hand, the smell making her mouth water and her own pussy wet and unbearably hot. 

Amethyst took one hand off the chair back and put it close to Peridot’s to rub her own swollen clit while Peridot fucked her, and shortly after, leaned over into Peridot’s neck, covering Peridot’s face with her hair, as she groaned and convulsed around Peridot’s fingers and soaked her hand to the wrist. Peridot’s own cunt squeezed around nothing in response, not coming but almost painfully close. 

Amethyst took several ragged breaths before sitting up and running a hand through her hair. Her eyes were wet and her smile was shaky. “Ah, fuck.” 

Peridot pulled her fingers out with an obscene sound and Amethyst gasped once more. Peridot fought the urge to stick her wet hand in her mouth, and instead wiped it off on her pants. 

Amethyst slid off the chair to stand up, then pulled her soaked underwear down her legs and over her boots, leaning on the desk with exaggerated care so she wouldn't fall over, then slowly got down on her knees. Peridot spread her legs to allow Amethyst between them. 

Amethyst slid her hands up the tops of Peridot’s thighs to the waistband of her pants with an impish look. “Your turn.” 

Peridot was incapable of making a sarcastic response, too aroused to think, but didn't want to give up the illusion of having some control over the situation. So she said nothing, merely pushed up her hips enough for Amethyst to pull her pajama pants over her ass and off, and then slid to the edge of the chair, looking down at Amethyst’s hooded eyes and smeared eye-makeup and naked breasts. She put her feet up on the desk behind Amethyst’s head, knocking several empty cans to the floor. Amethyst licked her lips, gripped Peridot by her upper thighs, and yanked her chair closer. 

Peridot's thighs fell open. She reached down to spread her slippery labia apart with two fingers as she watched Amethyst lean in with an open mouth. 

“Ah, shit, oh fuck!” They'd done this enough that even drunk and uncoordinated, Amethyst knew how Peridot liked it. She was perilously close in moments, trying not to rock her hips and failing. She pushed a hand into Amethyst’s hair, grabbed, and yanked her off. Amethyst cut off a moan and looked up at Peridot, face wet to the chin. 

“Just, gimme a second. I don't wanna come that fast.” 

Amethyst licked her lips again and blurted out, “Fuck, you taste good.” 

Peridot closed her eyes against the way Amethyst looked at her, a hand still in her hair, breathing deeply, until Amethyst fidgeted and made a whining noise. 

She pulled Amethyst back to her cunt but then let go of her hair, gripping an arm of the chair, eyes still screwed shut. Amethyst made humming sounds as she licked and sucked, sloppy and eager, and Peridot couldn't hold back this time, toes curling as she cursed and came, kicking more cans and the game controller to the floor. 

Peridot opened her eyes to Amethyst wiping her wet face off on Peridot’s discarded pants, leaving traces of her lipstick. No way she was putting them back on now. She pushed the chair away from Amethyst and got up on wobbly legs to find a clean pair of shorts in her dresser. 

“Can I sleep in here tonight?” Amethyst’s voice was small. 

“Your room and your own bed are literally the next room over.” 

But even as Peridot said it she knew she would let Amethyst stay. She looked over at where Amethyst was sitting on the floor, her skirt bunched around her waist and her boots still on, hugging her knees, long hair curtained around her. 

“C’mon.” She reached a hand down, and Amethyst took it and staggered to her feet and over to the bed, lying across it. Peridot pulled Amethyst’s boots off and dropped them to the floor before going into Amethyst’s disaster of a room to pick a reasonably clean-looking t-shirt off the floor, and brought that and a glass of water back to her own room. Amethyst was right where Peridot left her, snoring. 

She shook Amethyst’s shoulder. “Wake up. Drink some water.” Amethyst blinked up at her, sat up, obediently downed the glass and handed it back and put on the shirt and lay back down, shoving her miniskirt off before pulling the covers up over herself and rolling towards the wall. 

Peridot briefly considered going back to her game, running a hand through her hair. Instead she turned off the light and slid into bed next to Amethyst, staring up at the ceiling. She heard a sniffle. 

“I'm sorry.” 

Peridot sighed. “For what?” 

“Being like this.” 

_For treating me as your last resort every time? For only coming onto me when you're drunk?_ Peridot sighed again, let it all go with an out breath. “It's fine. We can talk about it tomorrow if you want. For now, just get some sleep.” 

Another sniffle. “Okay.” 

Peridot rolled towards her, and listened, waiting until Amethyst’s breathing evened out before letting herself fall asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea for this popped into my head when I was on the train to a Sherlock convention, so I started the original draft on my phone. When I got off the train I had several hours to kill--did I go to anything tourist-y? Did I check into the hostel early? Nope. I sat in a coffee shop with wifi and sockets and finished this....still on my phone. And I wasn't willing to post to ao3 from said phone, so I posted it to tumblr, and I got some lovely feedback on it from friends (notably anarfea) both on tumblr and in person.
> 
> I'm still amazed at myself for writing this--I love Amethyst and Peridot so much, and ship them so hard in part because I want them to be happy...and here I am making them sad jerks. Sad jerks who can't stop fucking each other, and who can't stop turning to each other when they feel like shit. What can I say--I've been there.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't supposed to have a second chapter, but I couldn't get it out of my head. So I stayed up until nearly five am writing it all down. And here it is.

Amethyst woke up to the sound of people talking and moving around in the kitchen. Everything was louder than usual. Every sound was like a stab to her already-throbbing brain.  

She opened her eyes, and the filtered daylight is both strange and far too bright--her own room has dark curtains over the cheap apartment blinds. She rolled over and the world kept moving for a second. Oh, god. She was in Peridot’s room, alone. And hungover.

Memories of the night before slowly fell into place with a growing sense of shame. She’d gone out dancing. She was supposed to meet up with a coworker, but the coworker never showed up, texting an hour late with some bullshit excuse, so between good songs she’d smoked on the club’s balcony and gulped down too many beers. She’d tried to chat a few people up but she was too obviously desperate, and then later, too drunk. Dancing and drinking had made her horny and lonely, so after her taxi ride home she’d talked Peridot into sex. Again.

Her memory has a few holes in it, and how she ended up staying in Peridot’s bed is one of them. She remembered Peridot taking off her bra to suck on her tits, and coming on Peridot’s hand, and giving Peridot messy oral while kneeling on the hard floor, and then...drinking a glass of water at some point? She didn’t remember taking her boots off. She didn’t remember deciding to sleep there. She didn’t know how she ended up in one of her own t-shirts but no underwear. Ugh. She felt a wave of nausea and pulled one of the pillows over her eyes to shut out the light.

Low voices: Peridot and Pearl in the kitchen. Amethyst only picked up a few words at first, but they got louder, and she realized they were walking upstairs.

“--just getting tired of hearing her outside your room wailing at you when she’s drunk at three am.”

“Yeah, I get it.”

Pearl’s voice, in the hall moving towards Peridot’s door, sharp with sarcasm: “Anyway, if you hate her so much, why do you usually let her come first? I mean, we can all hear her.”

“Oh my god, shut the fuck up.”

“Why? You two don’t. Whatever. Go deal with your girlfriend’s hangover.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

Peridot’s door opened and shut. Peridot audibly sighed and put several things down on the nightstand, then sat down in the chair in front of her desk. Amethyst heard typing.

She slowly peeked out from under the pillow over her face, squinting at the light: the objects on the nightstand were a bottle of Gatorade and a couple of ibuprofen, next to her purse. Peridot was sideways to her, looking at her computer, but glanced over at Amethyst’s movement before looking back at her screen. 

“You awake?”

“Yeah. Sorta.” Amethyst sat up, slowly, and waited for the room to stop moving before she opened the Gatorade and used it to swallow the ibuprofen. The drink was orange, her favorite. It was even cold. She hadn’t realized how thirsty she was until she started drinking it, and it was half gone in seconds.

“Slow down, or it’ll all just come up again.”

“Thanks, mom.” Peridot still wasn’t even looking at her, but Amethyst was pretty sure she wasn’t actually paying attention to whatever was on her computer.

The silence was painful. Amethyst decided her hangover still felt worse. Her boots were next to the bed along with her skirt. Her red underwear were still on the floor next to where Peridot was sitting, with her top and bra from last night. The empty Red Bull cans had been picked up and put in the bin. Amethyst bent over the side of the bed and picked up the skirt and pulled it over her legs, standing up. It looked ridiculous with the old t-shirt she’d slept in, but at least it covered her ass. She stuck the Gatorade bottle in one boot and her purse in the other, then carried it all over to where Peridot was sitting. Peridot finally looked up at her with a carefully blank expression.

“Can you hand me my other clothes?”

Peridot rolled her chair back, picked the items up and handed them to Amethyst.

“Thanks for the Gatorade.”

“You’re welcome.”

Amethyst left. Behind her she heard Peridot roll her chair back to the desk.

Her own room was the usual mess, but it was also blessedly darker. She dropped the boots and clothes in the middle of the floor on top of everything else, adding the miniskirt, then remembered the Gatorade and pulled it out, taking it with her to the bed. There wasn’t any flat space on the nightstand, so she made sure the cap was on tightly and just put it on the bed next to her laptop and some books. She straightened the duvet as well as she could before pulling it over herself. She just wanted to sleep for a year.

****

A little over a week later, and she was in Peridot’s room again, while their housemates and a few friends (down from two dozen or so earlier) continued drinking and laughing and talking loudly downstairs.

Peridot was on her back, halfway down the bed this time; Amethyst’s pussy grinding on her face from above. Amethyst mostly leaned on one arm and held a handful of Peridot’s hair with the other, as if trying to keep Peridot’s head where she wanted it. Meanwhile Peridot had one arm holding tightly around one of Amethyst’s thighs, and the other between her own legs.  

“Nnnguh, oh my fucking christ, unh, unh,” Amethyst couldn’t believe Peridot at first when she agreed to let Amethyst sit on her face, but as she rode Peridot’s mouth she nearly forgot everything but how good she was feeling. She heard Peridot’s own soft grunts increase in volume and looked down just in time to see Peridot’s face as she came, groaning through her nose, feet kicking in those little short movements like they always did before they went limp. Peridot didn’t even pause a moment before wrapping that arm around Amethyst’s other thigh (leaving wet fingerprints) and sucking on her clit. Amethyst let go of her hair, needing both hands to hold herself up as she shuddered and gasped and then moaned through her own orgasm.

Amethyst managed, barely, to roll off Peridot and onto her back without kneeing her in the face. Peridot took deep breaths through her mouth and licked her lips before wiping her face with the corner of a bedsheet.

From downstairs came the thump of music and the sound of people laughing.

Amethyst sighed: this hadn’t been the plan. The plan had been to have a good time at the party, and if someone they knew brought someone cute, maybe see what happened. Instead, she’d spent the night trying to avoid Peridot. Amethyst had hoped the alcohol would make it easier. Instead, with every drink, she could feel where Peridot was, and was constantly noticing her. A friend of Peridot’s had shown up (Amethyst hadn’t even known Peridot _had_ friends, other than online, but they acted like they’d known each other forever), some skinny thing with blue hair and a septum piercing, and she had danced with Peridot and smiled at her and looked flirty. She’d felt jealousy flare up, hot and infuriating, and hated herself for feeling it, and gone off to get another beer from the keg and drink it on the front porch with a cigarette.

Amethyst was still on the porch chatting with a couple other party-goers when she saw Blue Hair leave. She’d abruptly abandoned her drink and the conversation she’d been having to find Peridot in the living room still dancing, grab her hand, drag her into the hallway just out of sight, push her against the wall, and shove her tongue into her mouth. Peridot’s only response had been to moan. Amethyst had pulled back and growled into her ear the first words she’d said to Peridot all night: “I want to sit on your face.”

And now Amethyst was staring at the ceiling, and even more words fell out of her mouth, betraying her. “Who was that girl with the blue hair and the halter top?”

“What, Lapis?”

“How the hell do you know her? I thought all your friends were other dorks on the internet who like that show you’re obsessed with.”

“Lapis was one of my roommates at my last place, across town.”

“Did you fuck her, too?” _Shut up, god dammit!_ But it was too late.

Peridot sat up and glared at her. “That’s…really none of your fucking business, actually.”

“Ugh, whatever.” Amethyst rolled off the bed, pulled on her underwear and dress and grabbed her bra and shoes.

“Jesus christ, Amethyst, what the hell is your problem?” but Amethyst was already leaving the room, slamming the door behind her, then slamming her own bedroom door shut before leaning on it in the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The gdocs for this is literally titled "asshole au." I don't even know. I have no idea if this is going anywhere or if I'll continue it. (edit: lol I totally did)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note to emetophobic folks: you'll wanna skip from the four asterisks, and start reading at the paragraph that starts "Meanwhile Peridot grabbed a clean washcloth." I've put an extra empty line to help you find it. If you really cannot handle any mention of it at all, you might wanna skip this chapter entirely. Comment below and I can quote the part where they actually talk a little. <3
> 
> Yeah, I'm still writing this fic.

Peridot rubbed at her face with her clean hand. God, her mouth still tasted like Amethyst’s pussy. Amethyst’s pussy, and beer from the keg downstairs, and cigarettes Peridot hadn’t smoked; but mostly Amethyst, coming on her mouth and face. She didn’t know if she should drink something or rinse out her mouth or just lick her chapped lips raw while furiously masturbating.

Emphasis on the furious. Why did Amethyst care whether or not she’d ever slept with Lapis? Did Amethyst think Peridot was just in the habit of fucking whomever she lived with? What gave Amethyst the right to be jealous ( _ oh god, that’s it, that’s the only reason for tonight--she saw me dancing and talking with Lapis _ ) when Amethyst was always hitting on other people and made it so goddamn obvious she only slept with Peridot because she couldn’t get anyone else.

_ Fuck  _ her. Peridot pulled her clothes back on with the idea of at least rinsing out her mouth and washing her hands and face, but froze with her hand on the doorknob when she heard Amethyst’s bedroom door open and close and then Amethyst walking down the stairs. Going back to the party was officially not an option. Peridot waited until the handful of people still in the living room greeted Amethyst before opening her own door and crossing the hall to the bathroom. She’d wash her face and brush her teeth, then she’d just go to bed.

****

Peridot drifted into awareness some unknown time later, in the dark. Why was she awake? The party was finally over, judging by the silence.

And then she heard it: someone was puking in the bathroom across the hall. Gross, but not really a surprise. She started moving her hand under her pillow, looking for her phone and headphones to block out the sound, when the puker started sniffling and crying between heaves, and she recognized the sound. It was Amethyst.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Peridot’s adrenaline spiked. She sat up.  _ Should I help her or stay out of it? Why the fuck should I help her? She’s just puking, she’s not gonna die or anything. It’s her own fault for drinking so much. _ Peridot ran both of her hands through hair and pulled a little, anxious with indecision.

Amethyst sobbed and vomited again and Peridot was already opening her bedroom door and crossing the hall and opening the bathroom door.

Amethyst was kneeling on the floor, with the side of her face on the toilet seat. Gross. Her tears ran down her face, tinted with makeup, and oh god, she hadn’t pulled back her hair in time when she’d started--some of her long bangs were wet and stuck to her face. Thank god the rest was pulled back. Peridot’s stomach turned over and she swallowed hard.

Amethyst looked up as she reached over and flushed. Her face crumpled as she bent back over the toilet and vomited again, then dry-heaved twice.

 

Meanwhile Peridot grabbed a clean washcloth from under the sink and wet it in the sink. When Amethyst flushed again and sat back, Peridot sat on the floor next to her. Amethyst turned towards her, blinking tears out of her eyes, and Peridot slid the washcloth over her bangs on one side, then pushed them behind her ears. She stood up, rinsed the washcloth, did the other side. She rinsed the washcloth one more time and then handed it to her.

“Wipe off your face, okay? I’ll be right back.”

Some of the lights were still on downstairs, and some dude Peridot didn’t know was asleep and snoring on the sofa. There were half-empty plastic cups everywhere and some beer spilled on the linoleum of the kitchen next to the keg and the counter was covered in half-empty bottles of hard liquor and mixers. But nothing appeared broken, which she was grateful for. She found the cups, and filled one with 7-up from an unopened bottle in the fridge. She took it upstairs, turning off lights as she went.

Amethyst was sitting on the floor, hugging her knees and sniffling, the washcloth on the floor next to her, her face wiped reasonably clean. When Peridot walked in she made eye contact for a second, then looked away, pressing her lips together into a thin pale line.

Peridot went through the medicine cabinet over the toilet until she found an old box of Dramamine, then sat on the floor again. Amethyst took the cup with a shaky hand and rinsed her mouth, spitting into the toilet, before she leaned back against the bathtub.

“Sip it, don’t gulp, or you’ll just throw up again.”

“Thanks, mom. Hah, at least there’d be something to come up.” Amethyst’s voice was croaky. But she did as Peridot said, taking a couple of small sips and the Dramamine pill Peridot handed her, and setting the cup down on the floor.

“Are you going to be okay?”

“D’you mean, am I done puking? Yeah. I think so.”

Peridot moved to stand up, and Amethyst grabbed at the hem of the old t-shirt Peridot was wearing. “Don’t, don’t leave me, please--don’t go,” and her face crumpled as she started crying again, sobbing so hard she was nearly hyperventilating.

“Okay.” Peridot sat down again.

Amethyst put her hands over her face and kept sobbing, the sound echoing off the bathroom walls. Peridot was at a loss as to what to do, so she just sat on the floor across from Amethyst, watching her cry so hard Peridot was afraid she might puke again.

“W-why, why are y-you, so nice to me?” Amethyst choked out, her hands still over her face.

“I’m not that nice to you.”

“Y-yes you are.”

Peridot sighed. “I’m not, though, not really.”

Amethyst looked up, her face soaked in tears. “You’re, you’re being nice to me r-right now.”

Peridot looked away, then down to stare at her own hands in her lap, feeling ashamed, somehow.

Amethyst sniffed. “P-Peri, I’m so awful to you, I know I am, and I don’t know why, I just--” Her breath caught again, and she gulped and said in a rush, “I just hate you so much sometimes, b-because I want you, god, I want you all, all the time, and I know you d-don’t really want me, and--”

“ _ What?! _ ” Peridot’s voice was louder than she intended, startling both of them, and they stared at each other, wide-eyed.

Peridot swallowed around a lump in her throat, and her eyes were stinging, why did her eyes sting? “You’re still drunk.”

“Yeah, but I’m r-right.”

“No.”

“W-what am I wrong about, then?”

Peridot pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes. “You have no idea what you’re saying. You’re probably not even going to remember this conversation tomorrow. I should help you get to bed. Take another sip of the 7-up.”

Amethyst silently obeyed her, and let Peridot pull her up to standing and support her for the walk through her messy room to her bed. The Dramamine must be taking effect, Peridot reasoned. Peridot pulled Amethyst’s duvet up and over her, but as she went to leave Amethyst grabbed her hand, so she sat down on the edge of the bed. Amethyst lay on her side, almost curled around her. Peridot stayed, letting Amethyst hold her hand, until Amethyst’s hand went lax and she started to snore. She reached towards Amethyst’s face to tuck her bangs behind her ear again, but she sniffled in her sleep and Peridot yanked her hand back.

She walked to her own room and lay down, exhausted but strangely wired, and chewed on a fingernail. The light of pre-dawn was coming through the blinds, and Peridot fumbled under her pillow for her phone, wondering what time it was.

She had a text from Pearl, sent hours ago: “You’re only enabling her, you know.”

****

Amethyst woke up the next day feeling like death warmed over, but at least she’d actually slept through the worst of it, judging by the time on her phone, which had to be some kind of miracle. She remembered having sex with Peridot, and arguing, and going back to the party, and taking several gulps of vodka from a bottle in the kitchen, and...then puking at some point, and...then it got even more fuzzy. God. She could only hope people weren’t gonna be dicks about it. She hoped she didn’t make a mess or anything.

She rolled over and was suddenly far more awake: on her nightstand, a couple of ibuprofen, and a quart bottle of orange Gatorade, sweaty with condensation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dramamine is an anti-nausea medication mostly used for motion sickness. Like most anti-nausea medications, it's extremely sedating, which is handy for people who are nauseated from drinking too much, since it makes you sleep through the worst part of a hangover, which is why Peridot gives it to her. 
> 
> Last night I banged out some headcanons in a gdoc and then made an overemotional post on tumblr and I think I know where I'm going with this? I still can't guarantee a 100% happy ending, in case that's a dealbreaker. 
> 
> Also, the official theme music for this fic is Fiona Apple's entire second album. But....especially this part: 
> 
> I'm gonna make a mistake  
> I'm gonna do it on purpose  
> I'm gonna waste my time  
> Cause I'm full as a tick  
> And I'm scratching at the surface  
> And what I find is mine  
> And when the day is done and I look back  
> And the fact is I had fun  
> Fumbling around  
> All the advice I shunned and I ran  
> Where they told me not to run  
> But I sure had fun
> 
> So I'm gonna fuck it up again  
> I'm gonna do another detour  
> Unpave my path  
> And if you wanna make sense  
> Whatcha lookin' at me for?  
> I'm no good at math  
> And when I find my way back  
> The fact is I just may stay  
> Or I may not
> 
> -A Mistake, Fiona Apple
> 
> Also also, I promise I haven't given up on Coffee and Beer, okay? Okay.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God these two are A Fucking Mess. I love them anyway. 
> 
> Also, I am finding that writing porny fic about these sad jerks is a nice mental/emotional break after spending all day grieving the results of the American election and figuring out What to Do Now. Hopefully reading it provides a little bit of a break for you, too; if you need one. Love to you all, wherever you live. <3

It took several days for Amethyst to realize Peridot was avoiding her.

Peridot mostly kept to herself, and between that and their differing work schedules Amethyst didn’t see Peridot all that often to start with. But now she didn’t see Peridot at all. More than once, Amethyst closed the door to her own bedroom only to hear Peridot’s open shortly after, as if Peridot had been waiting. She didn’t run into her in the kitchen, or watching TV in the living room. It felt weird. It felt awful.

Friday morning, Vidalia texted her and asked if she wanted to hang out at the bar near her place. Amethyst said yes.

Amethyst was putting on makeup early that evening, hair up in a messy bun, wearing a short dress and thigh-high socks, leaning over the bathroom sink to do her mascara, when the door swung open and startled her.

“Jesus! Knock first!” She turned and there stood Peridot, eyes as wide as saucers.

“Sorry! The door wasn’t closed all the way.” Peridot blinked, then turned, closed the bathroom door, and went back to her own room, closing the door harder than strictly necessary.

Amethyst stood still for several seconds, shook her head once, then turned back to the mirror, only to realize her hands were shaking. Shit. Good thing she’d already done her eyeliner.

 

Vidalia insisted on that place that mostly did margaritas, real ones, and they had several each, snacking on chips. Vidalia regaled with stories of her kids and her husband and the people she painted, making Amethyst laugh, and when she finally asked how Amethyst was, she replied, “Oh...I’m fine. You know me,” and smiled, and it felt real enough.

 

Amethyst stepped out of Vidalia’s car (Yellowtail in the driver’s seat) and blew kisses at her through the open window. “I’ll text you soon, okay?”

She closed and locked the front door behind her, blinking as her eyes adjusted to the dark house, and felt it spin slightly around her.

She paused at the bottom of the stairs for a moment, holding onto the bannister and looking up. Peridot’s door was cracked open, a stripe of light shining into the hallway. Her heart raced.

_I shouldn’t. I want to. She’ll kick me out if she really doesn’t want me. I want her. God, I want her. Why can’t I have this? Just this, and nothing else. I can have this, even if I can have nothing else._

And then she was walking up the stairs, pushing Peridot’s door open and closing it behind her, climbing into Peridot’s bed, taking and closing Peridot’s laptop to set it on the nightstand.

“Hey! I was doing something.”

“What, writing fanfiction?”

“So what if I was?”

“Fucking nerd. You left your door open, y’know.”

“Yes, b--”

“You knew I was going to do this. You saw me getting ready to go out. You saw Vidalia pick me up.”

“....yes.”

Peridot was half-sitting up against the wall. Looked up at her, then away, then asked, “How drunk are you?”

“I had some drinks with Vidalia. Not enough to be sick.”

Peridot sighed. “Not really what I was asking. Whatever. Take your boots off.”

Amethyst sat back on her butt to pull them off. The second boot had barely dropped on the floor and Peridot was on her, pushing her on her back, kissing her, her tongue in Amethyst’s mouth, slipping a hand up the back of her legs, up her dress, to grab her ass so hard Amethyst could feel her fingernails.

She could do little more than whimper and open her mouth and her legs and feel overwhelmed. _Yes._ Amethyst bent her knees, started rocking her hips against Peridot, her dress rucked up to her waist, the tops of her thigh highs rubbing against Peridot’s jeans.

Peridot, into her ear: “Fuck, look at you. You’re barely in here for two minutes and you’re like this.” _Yes, yes, please--_

Peridot moved her mouth to Amethyst’s neck and bit and sucked hard, and groped at her breasts through her clothes. Amethyst pulled Peridot in by her hips, as hard as she could, over and over and over, jeans rubbing her through her underwear, _right there, yes, there, please, yes,_ just barely on the edge of too rough, just on the edge of too rough, just on the edge of, just on-- ”aaaah, ah, ah, _ah!_ ” --sudden and sharp and fast, and then she lay back, panting.

“Did you just come?!” As if she didn’t know.

Still shaking and catching her breath: “Yeah.”

“Jesus.” Peridot sat up, pulled Amethyst’s damp underwear over her hips and off. Amethyst clumsily unzipped down one side and wiggled out of the dress, unhooked her bra, dropped them off the side of the bed. Left on the thigh-highs. Peridot took off her button-down shirt and jeans and underwear and the stretchy little bra she didn’t even need, really. Amethyst looked her up and down, hungry all over again.

Peridot moved over Amethyst, sucking on her breasts, pushed fingers into her, _oh god yes, please, that’s so good_ , kissing down her belly and then moving to between her legs, sucking gently and then harder where she was already soaked and still wanting, and this time it was deeper and slower and _oh, oh_ , it went on for blissful ages as she moaned, pushing down onto Peridot’s fingers, _god yes, if this is all I get, I still get this_ , _yes_.

Amethyst rolled onto her side, a little shaky, room still moving. Peridot lay beside her, looked over at her, licking her lips, wiping her face with the heel of her hand. Amethyst grabbed at her hand, stuck Peridot’s wet fingers in her own mouth, salivating so much around them she had to swallow several times. Peridot made a strangled little noise.

Amethyst let go of Peridot’s hand, rolled over onto her, kissed her, tasted herself. Kissed her small breasts.

Peridot pushed at her head. “Get on with it already, shit.”

Amethyst crawled down and wrapped an arm around a thigh. Peridot slid a hand down, opening her labia with two fingers. Amethyst moved in, tongue wet and mouth open, and Peridot swore and jerked. Amethyst was messy and salivating, _god she tastes good, she always tastes good, how is she always this good_ , and Peridot rolled her hips into her face and pulled on a handful of Amethyst’s hair, hard enough to hurt a little, but Amethyst groaned and kept going, letting Peridot push and pull and push and pull until she cried out, feet doing those little twitchy kicks, then relaxed and let go of her hair, and it was Amethyst’s turn to roll onto her back and lick her lips.

Peridot slid down the bed. Reached towards her. Tucked a piece of her long bangs behind one ear.

Amethyst froze. “What are you doing?”

Peridot snatched her hand back like she’d been burned. “Nothing.”

Amethyst sat up so fast the room spun again. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what? Touch you?”

“Don’t you dare pity me.”

“It’s not...it’s not pity, Amethyst.”

“Then what is it?”

Peridot sat up, turned and leaned against the wall, hugged her knees to her chest, ran her hands through her own hair. “Maybe we should stop.”

“What?”

“You don’t think it’s the tiniest bit fucked up that you only come onto me when you’re drunk?”

“You don’t think it’s fucked up that you only want to fuck me when I’m drunk?”

“I never said that.”

“No, but you’ve made it plenty obvious.”

“What?! I…Aaaugh! Just now you freaked out because I tried to touch you!”

“You’re the one who’s been avoiding me all week, only to basically invite me in for sex when you knew I’d be out drinking! What the fuck am I supposed to think?”

“I...that’s...that’s not what I intended.”

“I’m not your pity fuck,” Amethyst moved off the bed, pulled her dress on, fumbled with the zipper until she could pull it closed. “And I don’t want you to bring me Gatorade and shit just because you feel sorry for me--”

“--that’s not it--”

“Then what is it?” Amethyst was almost shouting.

Peridot chewed on a fingernail and looked away and said nothing. Amethyst grabbed her boots and her bra and underwear and went into her own room and closed the door. The dress came off and she dug around in the mess on the bed until she found a tank top and boxers. She sat in bed in the dark and pondered trying to find more alcohol, but the idea of puking two weekends in a row didn’t appeal. She thought about texting Pearl, but she’d be furious to be woken up in the middle of the night--if she wasn’t awake already. She couldn't text Vidalia either. She had nobody to talk to.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How I wrote a lot of this chapter was heavily inspired by [beyonces_fiancee's human au Amedot one-shot](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8115175/chapters/18600922), which I find insanely hot. Hopefully it comes off as homage/inspiration and not, like, plagiarism.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talking. So much talking. And Lapis really likes smoking weed.

Peridot dropped her keys and a bag of fast food on her desk, then sat down and opened her laptop, rubbing her face. God, work had been awful, and then long on top of that.

She’d tossed the empty food wrappers and spent several hours online before Peridot noticed the thought that was nagging in the back of her mind: she hadn’t heard Amethyst moving around the house, or leaving it. It was her usual night for going out. But Peridot had come home so late, Amethyst had already left. Or Peridot had to assume. It was better not to overthink it.

Peridot played her favorite game for several hours. After logging off, she looked at her email and found that a fic she was following had updated. So she changed into pj’s, turned off her light, and then pulled her laptop into bed to read it. It reminded Peridot of another story she loved and had followed as a work in progress that she’d wanted to read in one go from the beginning, so she opened it and dove in. At some point Peridot started nodding off. She barely managed to close the laptop before falling asleep, feeling as though she’d forgotten...something.

She woke up all at once the next morning, to bright sunlight and her heart pounding.

Where was Amethyst?!

Had Amethyst even come home last night? She hadn’t woken Peridot. Maybe she’d come home and just gone to bed? When was the last time she’d done that, months ago? Maybe longer? Shit. Usually Peridot still noticed when she came home; Amethyst tended to unintentionally stomp and slam doors after drinking.

_Don’t freak out. She’s probably asleep in her room. You told her you wanted to stop. You can’t possibly be mad she took you up on it. That’s just stupid. Chill the fuck out._

It wasn’t working. Peridot still felt panicky.

_Just check to see if she’s home. If she’s home you can go back to bed. She’s probably just asleep. You probably just slept through her coming home because you were so tired._

Peridot walked out of her own room, and stood outside Amethyst’s door, feeling uncertain.

She cracked the door open and looked in: Amethyst wasn’t there.

“What are you doing?”

Peridot squeaked and turned around to see Pearl, clearly awake for hours already, dressed for the day and closing the door to her own room at the end of the hall.

“Uh, nothing?”

Pearl’s eyebrows went up in disbelief.

“I mean, um, have you seen Amethyst since last night?”

“No, Amethyst didn’t come home last night. She probably hooked up with someone at the bar, which quite frankly is fine with me, as it means I got a full night’s sleep...why?”

“N-no reason.”

Pearl laughed and walked down the hall, towards Peridot. “Oh my god, you two deserve each other, honestly.”

“What the hell does that mean?!”

Pearl didn’t answer, just passed her and started down the stairs.

“Wait!”

Pearl stopped and looked back at Peridot.

“Can you give me her phone number?”

“You still don’t have it?!”

Peridot’s face burned. “No. I only have yours because you’re the one I give the rent checks to.”

“I’ll text it to you.” And Pearl continued down the stairs, shaking her head.

Peridot went back to her own room just as her phone buzzed. Pearl had texted her the number and nothing else.

She held her phone for a minute, wondering what to do. Pearl wasn’t worried. Pearl had known her longer. But what if something had happened? She had to know. She had to. She looked down; her hands were shaking.

 **Peridot:** Hey. This is Peridot. Are you okay?

Several long minutes passed. Peridot chewed on her nails.

 **Amethyst:** yeah I’m fine  
**Amethyst:** but why are you texting me

 **Peridot** : You didn’t come home last night.

 **Amethyst:** so?

Peridot paced her room.

 **Peridot:** I was worried and wanted to make sure you’re all right.

 **Amethyst:** you are such a fucking liar. you’re jealous.  
**Amethyst:** and you have a lot of nerve. you’re the one who told me to fuck off.

 **Peridot:** I didn’t say that.

 **Amethyst:** yeah you did   
**Amethyst:** I went home with someone, we banged, I stayed over   
**Amethyst:** there, happy?

 **Peridot:** Sorry to bother you. Glad you’re okay.

Peridot sat down on the bed. On the one hand, she knew Amethyst was fine, so that was good, right? Isn’t that all she wanted? Why did she feel so awful?

Her phone buzzed again.

 **Lazuli:** Did you still want to come over and watch TV  
**Lazuli:** I bought a new strain of weed to try

 **Peridot:** Yeah, just let me take a shower and grab something to eat.

Holy shit, that sounded good right about now. She stood up again, digging through her dresser for clean clothes.

 

Several hours later, and they were working their way through their umpteenth rewatch of Camp Pining Hearts while stoned, sitting on Lapis's beat-up couch. Lapis was eating Cheetos by the handful, blase about the orange powder all over herself. Peridot was halfway through a bag of potato chips.

The credits started running and Lapis put the bag aside, sucking cheese dust off her fingers before speaking.

“You’re quiet today.”

“Dude. I’m high.”

“Yeah but so am I. And we smoked like two hours ago, you’re not that high. And this strain is weak, I don’t think I’m buying it again. Anyway, you looked like crap when you got here and you’ve been distracted the whole time. What’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“Yeah, right. Is it about that roommate you were telling me about? The one who keeps hitting on you when she’s drunk? Did she do it again?”

Peridot didn’t say anything, just got up to switch DVD’s. Lapis kept talking.

“Ugh, let’s skip season five. I saw her at the party, you know. You shoulda seen the look she gave me when she saw me dancing with you. We weren’t even, like, sexy dancing or anything, but she looked so pissed.”

“We can’t skip season five, you know that. We have to watch them all in order or it feels wrong.”

“Fine. But your roommate was totally jealous that I was dancing with you. If she wanted to dance with you she shoulda just done it.”

Peridot sat down and visibly cringed.

“What’s that face for? Did she say anything to you about it later?”

“Um. Maybe.” The opening theme of the show started playing, and Peridot attempted to pay attention.

“Ahaha you should see your face, you’re blushing so hard right now….ohhhh shit, you totally had sex with her later, didn’t you.”

“Yeah. But then right afterward she asked if you and me had fucked.”

Lapis giggled. “What did you tell her?”

“I told her it was none of her business, then she went back to the party and drank too much.”

“Why didn’t you just tell her we haven’t, and that I’m ace anyway?”

“Because it really was none of her business.”

“Aaaaand because you want her to think maybe we did.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Oh come on. You wanted her to feel jealous, a little. Admit it.”

“No.”

They both pretended to watch the worst season of their favorite show for several minutes, before Lapis said, “If she’s that jealous she might actually like you.”

Peridot’s voice was quiet. “She said she liked me.”

Lapis was much louder. “What? You didn’t tell me that!”

“But she was so drunk at the time! She was literally drunk and crying when she said it.”

“Peridot, people get _more_ honest when they’re drunk and crying. Not less. Don’t you know that?”

“I guess,” but she still sounded skeptical.

“So when are you gonna admit you're into her?”

“I'm not.”

“Oh for chrissake, you have got to be kidding me. You do realize you talk about her, like, every time we hang out, right? And you have sex with her, like, every time she wants it.”

Peridot turned away from the TV, towards Lapis. “If she likes me so much, why can’t she hit on me when she’s sober? Why does she get so fucking upset when I try to just, I dunno, pet her hair or whatever?”

“Maybe ask her? And she does have nice hair. And a lot of it.”

“Yeah.”

“See, that’s what I mean! I said something nice about her hair and you looked all dopey and happy for a second. You really have no clue.”

“Whatever. I did ask her, by the way. She yelled at me that she wasn’t my ‘pity fuck,’ whatever that means.”

“Dude, you have sex with her when she’s been out drinking and comes into your room, and you pretty much ignore her the rest of the time. Maybe try talking to her, some other time, like a normal person?”

“But...girls like her, they don’t like girls like me.”

“Define ‘girls like me.’”

“You know. Introverts who’d rather stay home and read fanfiction than go to a goddamn bar.”

“And what do you mean by ‘girls like her,’ other than the bar part.”

“...hot girls.”

“Peridot. You’re plenty hot. You should probably stop licking your lips long enough to put some chapstick on them or something, and try to stop biting your nails, but you do have a nice ass. And a cute nose.”

“Lapis, you’re ace.”

“Yeah but I’m not blind. I can think people are nice to look at without wanting to fuck them. But this is a thing you do. I’ve seen you do it before. You’re so convinced that any girl you like couldn’t possibly be into you, that you reject them first, and you’re all mean to them and push them away. I’m kinda surprised she keeps coming back to try again. Honestly, the two of you deserve each other. Also I wanna be way more stoned if we’re gonna watch season five. You up for another smoke?”

“Yeah, I am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Peridot. You dumbass.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hunger hurts, and I want him, so bad oh it kills  
> 'cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up  
> I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold  
> Hunger hurts but starving works  
> when it costs too much to love
> 
> (Fiona Apple, Paper Bag)

“Who the hell is texting you so much?”

“One of my roommates. Just checking up on me because I was gone last night.” Amethyst felt queasy, and only some of it was from the cheap beer at the bar last night. Who gave Peridot Amethyst’s number? What business was it of Peridot’s where she was?

Amethyst put her phone down, lay back, and racked her brain for the name of the person next to her in bed. She wasn't a bad person. She'd chatted up Amethyst on the balcony while smoking, danced with her, kissed her, invited her home, given her a perfectly acceptable orgasm and accepted one in return. It wasn't her fault Amethyst had felt like she was just going through the motions. It wasn't her fault Amethyst could only come after she closed her eyes and tried to imagine someone else, someone with shorter hair and a slightly nasal voice. (And smaller boobs. And a bigger ass. And--)

“What, do they think they're your mom?”

“Something like that,” Amethyst mumbled.

“Now that we’re both awake, did you want to go out for breakfast? Or coffee? Or...anything?” A hand caressed her waist and slid up her side in invitation.

Amethyst sat up. “Um. I had a good time, but I really gotta get going.”

A sigh, and the hand retreated. “Yeah, okay.” Amethyst pulled her clothes on and found her purse before turning around. Ms. Last Night was sitting up in bed naked, looking at her phone. She was cute enough. She hadn’t done anything wrong. Amethyst suddenly felt guilty.

“Uh, see you around?” Amethyst cringed to herself even as she said it.

“Sure.”

Amethyst closed the bedroom door. Left the apartment. Bought an orange Gatorade and a cheap greasy burrito at the corner market. Caught the next bus heading towards home.

 

Peridot’s car was gone when Amethyst got home, and she wasn’t sure if she was disappointed or relieved.

Pearl, however, was sitting in the living room, reading on her tablet with a cup of tea and a smug expression. Amethyst stood in front of her until she looked up.  

“You gave Peridot my number, didn’t you.”

“How did she not already have it?”

“I dunno if you noticed, but we’re not actually dating.”

“Considering you’ve been fucking about once a week for the last several months, you could’ve fooled me.”

Amethyst blinked several times. “She doesn’t--I don’t--she’s not my girlfriend.”

Pearl’s expression changed to obvious pity. Amethyst preferred the smug one she’d had before. Pearl set the tea and tablet down and patted the couch next to her, and Amethyst sat down.

“You need to talk to her.”

Amethyst looked at her purse in her lap and fidgeted with the strap. Her voice was almost too quiet to hear. “She doesn’t really like me, not like that.”

“Then why was she so clearly worried when you weren’t here this morning? I saw her. She was nearly panicking.”

“She’s jealous. She’s used to me coming home and going into her room.”

“But why would Peridot be jealous if she doesn’t like you?“

"I mean, she likes me when I’ve been drinking. When I’m easy. She doesn’t want me the rest of the time.”

“You sure of that?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know. I just. I can’t stand her trying to be sweet to me only because she feels guilty or pities me.”

“Have you tried hanging out or talking or doing anything else other than going into her room when you’ve been drinking?”

“....no.”

“Do you like her?”

Amethyst sniffled. “....yeah.”

“No offense, but why? You barely know each other.”

“I dunno. I just do, okay? I mean,” Amethyst gave a wobbly smile, “She is pretty great in bed.”

“Oh my god, no, don’t tell me anything. The sound of your moans in the middle of the night is already too much information.”

“Sorry.”

“No, you're not.”

“Nah. Not really.” Amethyst smiled, for real this time.

“So if Peridot’s so great in bed, why did you stay over with someone else last night? I assume you slept with them.”

“I guess I just wanted to prove that I could. That I’m not, like, dependent on Peridot for...anything.”

“Who exactly were you trying to prove that to, you or Peridot?”

Amethyst put her hands over her face and groaned, “I don’t even know any more.”

Pearl shook her head and sighed. “Both of you are disasters, I swear to god. How you’ve managed to keep having sex so often while both utterly convinced the other doesn’t really like you is genuinely beyond me. Whatever. I’m getting more tea.” Pearl stood up.

“Where is she, anyway?”

“No idea. But you have her number now. You could ask her yourself.”

Amethyst grabbed her purse and went into her room and plugged in her phone before digging out a towel and crossing the hall for a shower.

 

Towel wrapped around her wet hair, she pulled her laptop out from under a pile of clean laundry on the bed, and messed around on the internet for a bit. She glanced over at her phone multiple times before finally giving in, and picked it up to reread the texts between her and Peridot.

Since when Peridot worry about her? Maybe Peridot was just jealous. But she’d ended the conversation after getting confirmation Amethyst was fine.

Amethyst composed texts in her mind, dismissing every single one: _Hey Peri, whatcha doin? Hey Peridot, what are you up to today? Hey Peri, where the hell are you? Hey Peri, do you actually like having sex with me specifically or is it just because I get drunk and then crawl into your lap and stick my tits in your face? Hey Peri, are you aware that I’m a fucking mess of a person and you probably shouldn’t date me?_

But they didn’t text each other. That wasn’t a thing they did. They hardly spoke, really. As Pearl had pointed out, they barely knew each other. Amethyst put her phone down with a sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to point out that when Amethyst says, "...she likes me when I've been drinking. When I'm easy," she doesn't just mean in the sense of "sexually available," but also as in "easy to deal with." I don't know how clear this is in the text, but to some extent Amethyst likes herself better when she's intoxicated. She assumes that everyone else likes her better that way, too. 
> 
> (That said: her drinking patterns are very similar to mine in my mid-20's, when I pretty much only drank on weekends. I wouldn't drink at all most nights of the week, and then on Friday and/or Saturday I'd drink myself into a case of the spins while out dancing with friends...Amethyst might have a self-esteem problem, and she could be said to abuse alcohol, but she's not an alcoholic.)
> 
> Also: I now have a laptop of my own! Woohoo! In theory this means I'll be posting a lot more fic, but The Holiday Season is approaching and my free time might be less than I'd like. But I also want to get this fic finished, work on Coffee and Beer, and tackle the several porny one-shot ideas that have been floating around in my head.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come to me  
> I'll take care of you  
> Protect you  
> Calm, calm down  
> You're exhausted  
> Come lie down  
> You don't have to explain  
> I understand
> 
> You know  
> That I adore you  
> You know  
> That I love you  
> So don't make me say it  
> It would burst the bubble  
> Break the charm
> 
> (Björk, Come to Me)

Peridot, alone in her room that night and still a little relaxed from being stoned earlier, lazily masturbated and remembered the first time.

She’d been playing some game on her phone past midnight, not long after moving in. (The new place was closer to work, and the rent was slightly cheaper to boot.) She’d warned her new roommates that she was a bit of an introvert and a night owl, and she was pleased to note they didn’t push her—she’d seen them around the house at times but none of them had pressured her into a lot of social interaction. Everyone in the house seemed to do their own thing. It was nice.

Peridot doesn’t even recall if she heard the front door open and close, but the tapping on her bedroom door had startled her, as did Amethyst walking into her room without waiting for a response. She’d closed the door and leaned on it, staring at Peridot with an unreadable expression.

“Uh, can I help you?”

“Maybe.”

Peridot stared at Amethyst. She was the kind of girl Peridot had always found attractive but assumed was unattainable, thick and curvy and soft lips and big eyes and all that hair, not to mention extroverted and loud and quick to laugh. But Peridot had only seen her in either boring work clothes or the sweatpants and hoodie she usually wore around the house. Now she was in a low-cut dress that was tight over her bust and waist and flared out to a short skirt that barely covered her ass. She had on lipstick and eyeliner and her fluffy lilac mane was down to her substantial hips. Peridot felt hot all over just from looking at her.

It wasn’t until she crossed the room to climb onto Peridot’s bed that she realized Amethyst had been drinking—she moved too carefully, and her breath smelled like beer.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

Amethyst didn’t answer. She just crawled up the bed and over Peridot, looking her over.

“For being such a nerd, you’re real cute, Peri.”

“I am?”

“Yeah.” And Amethyst had bent down and kissed her. Peridot kissed back after a second, feeling like she was dreaming, and then Amethyst grabbed one of Peridot’s hands and brought it to one of her breasts and Peridot had made an embarrassing sound and Amethyst had giggled.

The rest of it, Peridot mostly remembers through a haze, as though she’d been drinking too—Amethyst later pushing that same hand under her lacy undies, Peridot’s fingers sliding into Amethyst and then slipping against her clit, Amethyst’s hair all around them both as she rocked into Peridot’s hand until she moaned and shook. Peridot sticking her wet fingers in her mouth and sucking on them while Amethyst pulled off Peridot’s loose shorts and pushed her knees apart and put her mouth on Peridot, humming and licking, hair fanned over Peridot’s thighs, and Peridot held herself open with the other hand and watched her, and came much too soon.

Amethyst had stood up wiping her wet face on her arm and pulled her dress down (she was still wearing her boots, Peridot remembers this, that she hadn’t actually taken anything off that first time) leaned over and kissed her again just the once, and looked guilty as she walked out of Peridot’s room without a word. She’d left Peridot wearing a t-shirt and no bottoms, feeling her heartbeat slow down to normal and wondering what in the hell had just happened.

Over the next week, Amethyst acted as though nothing had changed, leaving Peridot to wonder if she really had dreamed it all. Amethyst hadn’t been drunk enough to black out, right?

And then it happened again. And again. Not every week, not at first; sometimes Amethyst would presumably manage to hit on someone else, but eventually she just always came to Peridot’s room, and slept in her bed some of the time as well.

They kept up the weird charade that nothing was happening every other day of the week, until Friday or Saturday night. And sometimes Amethyst would knock and sometimes she’d just come in, but there she was.

Once, early on, Peridot had attempted to be affectionate afterwards. Amethyst had all but jumped out of bed, wide-eyed and lost. “Don’t—don’t do that.” Peridot hadn’t tried again for months, and settled for giving her Gatorade and painkillers.

Over the next several months, Peridot went through a range of emotions about the whole thing—thrilled that she was getting laid with someone so hot, sad and frustrated that Amethyst wouldn’t acknowledge it was happening (even though everyone in the house knew it), guilt that she let it keep happening, and a weird loneliness from not being able to touch her any other time. Peridot found herself fantasizing about just snuggling in front of the TV, or petting Amethyst’s hair, or falling asleep spooning. How could she feel so touch-starved when she was having sex so regularly?

And through it all, once or twice a month, she’d end up at Lapis’s place to hang out and watch CPH, stoned and whining about it, until one day Lapis forbid her from speaking about Amethyst, just this once, can we talk about something else, _god?_

Peridot knew the situation was making her mean and a little bitter; that calling Amethyst a slut was a feeble attempt to pretend she had some control over the situation, to push Amethyst away and try to hurt her.

She’d tried to tell Amethyst to go away once. Amethyst had cried. Peridot let her in half to keep Pearl from complaining, but also because she couldn’t bear to hear Amethyst crying. And also—and she hated admitting it, would have denied it had you asked— because she wanted Amethyst so much. (Peridot made Amethyst come twice that night, and knew they were probably waking up Pearl anyway.)

But right now, Peridot pulled her hand out of her pants. Thinking about the rest of it had put her in a morose mood. And Lapis was right, damn her. She needed to talk to Amethyst. Sooner or later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna write any backstory for this, I said several days ago. 
> 
> And then I was on the plane (to visit the boyfriend's family for Thanksgiving) and got An Idea and had to write it Right Now. Glad I brought my laptop with me after all--I almost didn't.
> 
> Photographic evidence of me writing this on a plane: http://aprillikesthings.tumblr.com/post/153492342497/me-and-the-boyfriend-on-a-plane-he-downloaded-a


	8. Chapter 8

At some point, they started mutually avoiding each other. Neither could remember actively making a decision to do so, but in a thousand ways they managed not to interact or see each other. Both lived in a constant state of low anxiety and avoidance.

Their other roommates didn’t comment on it—not out loud, anyway. (Pearl may have been caught rolling her eyes a time or two.)

 

Friday night arrived, and frankly, Amethyst was desperate to have a drink. Or six. And then what? She wasn’t sure. She couldn’t keep this up; not after last week, not after talking to Pearl. She didn’t want to go home with anyone. She wasn’t sure she wanted to go into Peridot’s room either. Fuck it, she’d figure it out later. She put on her makeup and didn’t make eye contact with herself in the mirror. 

 

Peridot tried to distract herself with video games,  but it wasn’t working—even through her headphones she heard Amethyst’s door and the bathroom door open and close, her footsteps down the stairs, the front door closing and locking. After spending another hour losing repeatedly, she put her controller down in frustration and picked up her phone instead.

 **Peridot:** God, I want to be somewhere else tonight.

 **Lazuli:** you could come over here if you really wanted to  
**Lazuli:** crash on the couch  
**Lazuli:** I mean I’m high but

 **Peridot:** You’re almost always high, how is that different than normal?

 **Lazuli:** fuck you man  
**Lazuli:** anyway if you come over, I don’t want to talk about her

 **Peridot:** That’s fair.

Peridot still had on jeans and a button-down shirt. She grabbed her hoodie and took a quick look in the mirror before leaving. She ran her hands through her hair, then leaned on the counter and made a face at herself and muttered, “You’re a fucking coward.”

 

The deejay was good that night, so after a couple of drinks, Amethyst started dancing. Just as she wanted a break, they played a song she didn’t like, so she walked out to the smoking patio and lit a cigarette and thought about texting Vidalia. She didn’t want to try and chat up a stranger again. She didn’t really want to be alone either. Amethyst leaned on the outside wall and took another drag and looked at her phone. Below Vidalia’s name on her recent texts was her conversation with Peridot. They hadn’t texted each other anything else.

 

Peridot was waiting at a stoplight when she realized where she really wanted to be that night. Suddenly full of adrenaline, she cranked the radio loud enough to drown out any second thoughts, and turned away from the route that lead to Lapis’s house.

A few miles later she put her car in park and pulled her keys from the ignition. Her hands were shaking. _Shit! Don’t overthink this!_

 **Peridot:** so I’m not coming over tonight after all, I’m fine, I’ll explain later

 **Lazuli:** okay  
**Lazuli:** good luck?

 

Amethyst was sitting at the bar, waiting for the bartender’s attention, when someone behind her said, “Um, can I buy you a drink?”

She turned around, and her jaw dropped in shock: it was Peridot, hands in the pockets of her hoodie, as awkward as a teenage boy at a school dance.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Buying us each a drink?”

“I…uh…okay?”

“What can I get you folks?” Amethyst turned back to the bar, where the bartender stood with her eyebrows up.

Peridot leaned towards the bar, her shoulder brushing against Amethyst’s. “I’ll have the IPA. I’m covering both of us.”

“Keep the tab open?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Another cranberry vodka for me, thanks.”

The bartender moved away with Peridot’s credit card. Peridot fidgeted and looked around until they both had their drinks in their hands. Amethyst downed half of hers. Peridot was clearly attempting to do the same. Jesus.

“I thought you hated bars.”

Peridot licked the beer foam off her upper lip, then wiped at it with her sleeve. “I do. They’re loud and crowded and full of drunk people.”

“You mean like me.”

Peridot cringed. “I didn’t mean you.”

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter.”

“No, that was a shitty comment, sorry.”

Amethyst stared at Peridot taking another drink of her beer, startled by her for the second time. When had Peridot ever apologized for anything? 

 

The song playing in the next room changed, and Amethyst suddenly sat up straighter and her whole face lit up as she turned towards the entrance to the dance floor.

“Well, you’re here. D’you wanna dance or what? Because I fucking love this song.”

“Uh...”

Amethyst’s smile turned impish. “C’mon, it won’t kill you, I promise.” She quickly finished her drink and put the plastic cup down on the bar, then grabbed Peridot’s hand (the one that didn’t still have half a pint of beer in it) and almost dragged her into the other room, where a dozen or so other people were dancing to the loud music.

Amethyst took Peridot’s beer out of her hand and put it on a nearby table, then grabbed both of her hands in hers and started swaying and stepping side to side to the music.

Peridot could dance a little, she’d done it at the party several weeks ago. But she’d been far drunker and at home and she knew the music. Her face burned with self-consciousness and she was grateful for the relative darkness of the dance floor. She tried to just keep the rhythm, mirroring Amethyst. She couldn’t help watching Amethyst: the way everything about her bounced in her short dress, the way her bangs had escaped her ponytail and covered part of her face and her closed eyes, how her mouth was shiny with lip gloss and moving along to the words of a song Peridot didn’t recognize. It was distracting as hell, and Peridot missed a beat. Amethyst opened her eyes and laughed, and then moved towards her, sliding one of her hands around Peridot’s lower back and with the other grabbing one of Peridot’s to hold out to the side, as though they were ballroom dancing, but she continued to just step and sway back and forth.

Peridot tried not to hold her too tightly and hoped her hands weren’t sweaty, and despite so much of their bodies touching, found it easier to focus when she couldn’t see Amethyst’s face--her mouth was fairly close to Peridot’s ear, and over the volume and thump of the music she could just barely hear Amethyst singing along, slightly off-key:

 _Every time I see you falling_  
_I get down on my knees and pray_  
_I'm waiting for that final moment_  
_You say the words that I can't say_

 _I feel fine and I feel good_  
_I'm feeling like I never should_  
_Whenever I get this way_  
_I just don't know what to say_  
_Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday_

Peridot inhaled sharply and tried not to read too much into the lyrics. Or think about how this was the most they’d ever touched outside of fucking. Or that Amethyst was already clearly several drinks in. She just closed her eyes and followed Amethyst’s lead.

The song ended too quickly, changing to some godawful 90’s pop song. Amethyst stepped back, dropped Peridot’s hands and looked away, and Peridot felt the loss of every place they’d been touching like an ache.

Amethyst’s face was hard to read in the dim light, but she pointed towards Peridot’s beer glass and then to the glass door that led to a patio behind the building. Peridot grabbed what was left of her beer and followed Amethyst outside, and didn’t bother trying not to stare at her ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently Peridot isn't familiar with new wave/synthpop music from the 1980's--the song is Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order. 
> 
> In case you are also not familiar with it: https://youtu.be/7uEBuqkkQRk 
> 
> I've drunkenly danced to it many, many times myself. A+ would recommend.
> 
> This is the first time I've had the POV jump around several times in a chapter in this fic. Hopefully it's fairly clear.
> 
> EDIT: hah in retrospect they could have danced to Depeche Mode's Enjoy the Silence, but that might have been TOO on the nose.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as you take my hand  
> Just as you write my number down  
> Just as the drinks arrive  
> Just as they play your favorite song  
> As your bad day disappears  
> No longer wound up like a spring  
> Before you've had too much  
> Come back and focus again
> 
> (Radiohead, Jigsaw Falling Into Place)

Amethyst walked past clumps of people smoking and talking at tables on the patio, to a spot just around the corner of the building. She pulled a cigarette from the pack in her purse and lit it and took a drag, then looked at Peridot, who was finishing her beer. Peridot set the empty glass down on the nearest table and then stuck both of her hands in her hoodie pockets again, leaning stiffly on the railing. Back to being awkward and uncomfortable, apparently. Maybe they should have stayed inside, but she had needed some fresh air. She still didn’t know what had come over her, to dance with Peridot like that. She’d been caught up in excitement from hearing her favorite song, that was all. Maybe. 

She didn’t realize how long they’d been standing there until Peridot spoke up. “You don’t usually smoke. During the week, I mean.”

Amethyst reminded herself to blow the smoke away from where Peridot was standing. “I usually have one on my lunch break at work, other than that it’s just when I’m out for the night. You come home smelling like weed a couple times a month, yourself.”

“True.” Peridot shrugged.

“So why are you here, really?”

“Because, because…” Peridot ran a hand through her hair, making it stand up a little. “Because first of all, I wanted to see you someplace other than...y’know.”

“In your bedroom, face-first in your cunt?”

Peridot’s face colored. “That’s one way of putting it.”

Amethyst took another drag. “Well, here I am.”

Peridot shifted her weight. “Also, we really do need to, y’know, talk about shit.”

Amethyst looked down at her cigarette and flicked the ash off so she didn’t have to look at Peridot. “Like what?”

“Could we try, like, actually dating?”

Amethyst jerked her head up. Peridot was looking right at her.

“But you barely know me.”

“And I’d like to fix that.”

“Why?” She sounded small and pitiful even to herself.

“Because at this point the alternative is that we stop fucking and I don’t think either of us want to stop. Do you?”

“No.” God, that felt weird to say out loud. She took another drag just to have something to do.

 

Just then, several women walked around the corner chatting. They sat down at the table near where Amethyst and Peridot were standing and politely ignored them, lighting cigarettes of their own and placing drinks on the table.

Amethyst walked over and rubbed out her cigarette in the ashtray next to Peridot’s empty pint glass, then stepped back towards Peridot, but her face was still turned away, her long bangs hiding her expression.

“I want another drink.”

Peridot sighed. “Me too, honestly.”

When Peridot walked away from the bar a few minutes later, a drink in each hand, Amethyst was leaning on the entry to the dance floor and was using the front-facing camera of her phone to reapply her lip gloss, the glow of her screen illuminating her face in blue light. It was an arresting sight, and Peridot nearly walked into someone before handing Amethyst another cranberry vodka.

Amethyst put her phone in a pocket. “Wanna dance some more?”

“Uh, sure.”

“Good.”

Amethyst’s ploy was painfully obvious--it was much too loud on the dance floor to talk unless you were shouting--but Peridot found it hard to care after Amethyst put down her drink and pulled her out on the dance floor and wrapped her arms around Peridot’s neck to move to some 1980’s song Peridot was only vaguely familiar with, and Amethyst pulled back just enough to look in her eyes with an unreadable expression that turned to shy smiles. Peridot couldn’t help smiling back.

They kept up some kind of half-assed partner dancing for a while, making Peridot feeling silly and happy, the songs blurring together. Peridot never wanted to stop, until a song came on that was just too fast for it, some old hip-hop thing.

Peridot got them each another drink from the bar before she sat next to the table where they’d dropped her hoodie and Amethyst’s purse, drinking her beer and watching Amethyst dance alone. Amethyst had pulled her hair out of its ponytail to sway and swing around her as she shook her rear end hypnotically, mouthing along with the words. Peridot had no idea if she usually danced like that or what, but she couldn’t stop staring. Even in the increasing crowd of dancers, other people’s eyes ran up and down Amethyst, and Peridot couldn’t blame them.

It was still incredibly satisfying, after the song ended, to have a sweaty Amethyst walk back to where Peridot was sitting to plop herself sideways in Peridot’s lap and take gulps of ice water and then her drink and fan herself with her hand before putting her hair back up. Amethyst’s tits were at eye level, which just wasn’t fair, and Peridot couldn’t help reaching up to pinch Amethyst’s ass just to have Amethyst slap at her hand and wiggle in her lap while giggling, and yeah, Peridot was almost as drunk as Amethyst was, and why the fuck not?

She got brave enough to wrap her arms around Amethyst’s waist, and Amethyst put one arm around Peridot’s shoulders and leaned on her as she finished her drink, and Peridot closed her eyes for a moment just to enjoy it.

Which means she didn’t see Amethyst moving in for a kiss until she felt Amethyst’s lips on hers. Peridot paused for only a half second in surprise before she kissed her back, and when Amethyst opened her mouth to slip her tongue in Peridot made a noise and was grateful for the loud music. She tightened her hold around Amethyst, who slid a hand up under Peridot’s button-down and groped at a breast through her bra, making Peridot stiffen in shock and arousal, even as all the alcohol meant the sensations were melted into the music and the weight of Amethyst on her lap and Amethyst’s tongue in her mouth and she wasn’t sure where she started and everything else ended anymore. Everything was just overheated, feverish wanting; and she only barely managed not to give into the temptation to slide a hand up between Amethyst’s thick thighs.

 

Amethyst wasn’t sure when she decided to just act like Peridot was someone she’d been flirting with and hitting on at the bar. It somehow made it all easier, if she pretended she didn’t know Peridot; that Peridot was just someone she’d picked up. 

Not just someone she’d picked up. She was still Peridot. But Peridot at the bar. It was different. It made it so easy, just this once, to dance and be flirty and silly and sit in her lap and let Peridot buy her drinks. It didn’t hurt that Peridot was clearly getting drunker by the minute herself and she was a smiley, affectionate drunk. It made her even more dorky and adorable. Adorkable. Drunk Peridot was adorkable and cute and still Amethyst wanted her, god, she wanted her.

For a moment, Amethyst considered just dragging Peridot to a restroom, imagining the sounds Peridot made when she came echoing off the restrooms’ tile walls, but the thought of dealing with the line of people waiting to pee squashed that. So home it was.

She broke the kiss, hand still up Peridot’s shirt, and leaned towards her ear to nearly shout over the music. “Do you wanna go home?” She gave her earlobe a nibble before she pulled back to look at Peridot’s face, and it didn’t take a good lip-reader to tell that Peridot was saying yes.

Peridot wobbled over to the bar to pay their tab, and Amethyst walked outside where the cooler air felt good. She lit another cigarette and was partway through it, watching people coming and go, before Peridot stepped outside with her hoodie back on.

“I’m gonna call a taxi, I can come back for my car tomorrow.”

“You  _ drove _ here?”

“Yeah.”

Where had Peridot originally been planning to go? Whatever, she was already on her phone with the taxi service.

She hung up the phone as Amethyst put out her cigarette, then stepped towards her, so close. Oh, shit. Even through the alcohol Amethyst’s pulse sped up. She took in a deep breath and forced herself not to look away until Peridot closed the distance and kissed her.

“But I taste like cigarettes.”

“S’not the first time.”

Their kissing had usually been a means to an end, forceful and short, before moving on to other things. But Peridot’s kiss this time, in the cool outdoor air, was sweet and soft and almost hesitant. Peridot stepped forward, Amethyst stepped back, and then Amethyst was up against the outside wall, and Peridot pressed her whole body against Amethyst’s, and god, Peridot was just as good at kissing as she was at everything else she did with her mouth.

Peridot pressed a thigh between her legs and Amethyst gasped before coming back, the kiss getting more frantic. Amethyst reached up to grab handfuls of Peridot’s short hair and she responded by grunting and pushing against her harder. They were making out and rutting against the wall and Amethyst’s hair was catching on the bricks of the wall behind her and she didn’t care, she felt like she could do this all night.

The door of the bar opened and closed several times, pouring loud people onto the sidewalk, all of whom ignored them; and neither of them paid any attention until they heard a car pull up to the sidewalk and tap the horn, startling them both--the taxi.

Despite the shortness of the ride, Amethyst felt the distance between them like a pain. The tension of waiting was nearly killing her, but Peridot was busy giving directions and then paying.

 

Peridot followed Amethyst into the house and remembered to lock the door behind them, before walking behind Amethyst up the stairs (her ass at Peridot’s eye level, fuck) and into Peridot’s own room, Amethyst switching on the light.

“Your room is okay, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Later on Peridot thought it must have been some miracle they didn’t elbow each other in the face, they were both so intent on getting off their shoes and clothes as quickly as possible, and then Peridot sat down on the edge of the bed and Amethyst stood in front of her, naked and backlit by the lamp on the desk, and Peridot swallowed hard.

“Fuck, you’re hot.”

“Yeah?” Amethyst moved towards her to straddle her thighs. Peridot didn’t think she could be more aroused, but she was wrong. She worried for a second that she might actually faint.

“Tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

“Tell me why you think I’m hot.”

Peridot felt the words spilling out of her mouth with no eloquence whatsoever. “Oh, fuck, I--I like your eyes and your hair and your lips and your tits and your belly and your ass and your thighs and oh god your tits, I wanna suck on your tits, please--” and she scooped up one breast with a hand into her mouth and sucked hard on a nipple, making Amethyst gasp and move in her lap and grab the hair at the nape of Peridot’s neck and pull. Peridot switched sides and Amethyst’s whole body jerked, and Peridot was salivating and knew what she really wanted, and pulled off to kiss Amethyst’s neck and bite and suck there too, before forcing herself to stop and look up at Amethyst’s face, and say in a rough voice, “I want--I want--” and lay down and pulled Amethyst with her before rolling them both over, the room spinning around her, and then she was over Amethyst, who was looking up with her legs wrapped around her waist and they were kissing again, and Peridot moved down Amethyst’s body to kiss and suck everything, and Amethyst was so soft and wonderful everywhere, and she got to Amethyst’s pussy and she was already so wet, and they both moaned and Amethyst bucked against her face and Peridot slid fingers into her and couldn’t get enough of Amethyst’s clit in her mouth, and Amethyst was crying out softly, and everything was wet and tasted like Amethyst and she could drown in it and that would be fine, really; and then there was a moment of quiet and she felt Amethyst tense and then a sharp gasp and then she was clamping down on Peridot’s fingers and moaning and shaking.

Peridot pulled her mouth away and sat up but kept her fingers inside and curled forward, stroking that spot, over and over, looking at Amethyst’s face, until Amethyst slapped a hand over her own mouth and her eyes rolled back and her back arched and she groaned and shuddered again and gushed a little, then finally relaxed into the bed, catching her breath and blinking up at her.

Peridot licked it all off her hand and wrist and stuck as many of her wet fingers as would fit into her mouth and sucked on them and moaned around them, her eyes half-shut, so aroused she felt stupid. Amethyst watched her, fascinated.

“I honestly don’t think I can sit up just yet. D’you wanna sit on my face?” Peridot just nodded and watched Amethyst move down the bed, then straddled her and put most of her weight on her hands, on all fours. Amethyst reached up and opened Peridot up with her thumbs as she carefully moved down onto Amethyst’s mouth, and within minutes Peridot was rocking against Amethyst’s face and then her toes and fingers curled and she was coming harder than she could remember, nearly shouting. “Ngaah, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh Ameth-- _ Aaah!” _

She rolled off Amethyst with wobbly legs and just made herself breathe slowly, shivering with aftershocks. She felt her eyes sting and didn’t know why, why now, why? She closed her eyes and  kept breathing, and felt Amethyst move back up the bed, bringing the sheet and duvet with her.

“Are you okay?”

Peridot opened her eyes and rolled to her side and saw Amethyst with an expression she’d never seen before--concern.

“Amethyst, I really like you.”

Amethyst’s eyes went wide but she didn’t say anything.

“I swear to god, Amethyst, I know I’ve been awful, but I thought you didn’t want me, I thought it was just because I was there and you were drunk, I never wanted you to stop but I wanted you to want me when you weren’t drunk, and I didn’t think you did, and I was awful to you, and I fucked it all up, and I’m sorry.” Peridot sniffled and blinked.

Amethyst looked dumbfounded for a moment, and when she spoke her voice was so, so quiet. “You...but...what if you don’t like me as much when I’m sober?”

“I just want a chance to find out, that’s all I’m asking.” Peridot scooted over until their faces were only inches apart, and reached out towards her, hesitating only a moment before running her hand through Amethyst’s hair, pushing it off her face. Amethyst closed her eyes and leaned into it just barely, like a cat, and Peridot’s heart leapt into her throat. Maybe she could have this, after all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of me is all "is them blurting out their feelings at the end like that unrealistic" and part of me is all "no, because I've totally done that, drunk on both afterglow and alcohol"


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spinning on that dizzy edge  
> Kissed her face and kissed her head  
> Dreamed of all the different ways, I had to make her glow  
> Why are you so far away she said  
> Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you?  
> That I'm in love with you?
> 
> You, soft and only, you lost and lonely  
> You, strange as angels  
> Dancing in the deepest oceans  
> Twisting in the water  
> You're just like a dream  
> You're just like a dream
> 
> (The Cure, Just Like Heaven)

Amethyst woke up to filtered sunlight, a slight headache, and a warmth at her back. Reality came in bits and pieces: she was in Peridot’s room. She had a mild hangover. And Peridot was curled up behind her in bed, breathing against her shoulder, one hand resting on her hip. Both of them were still naked. 

She forced herself to breathe slowly against a wave of anxiety. What if Peridot changed her mind once she sobered up? What if Peridot didn’t mean it? _What if I ruin everything?_ _What if, what if, what if--_

The hand on her hip twitched and squeezed and Peridot yawned out loud and slid her hand away. Amethyst rolled over.

Peridot’s eyes blinked open, then she groaned, flopping her arm over her face.

“Why is the sun so bright?”

“See, this is why my room has blackout curtains.”

“Good idea. Fuck.” Peridot pulled up the duvet over her eyes. “Nope. That’s too hot. Ugh, my head is killing me,” her voice muffled by the duvet.

“Sorry, I didn’t buy you any Gatorade.”

Peridot pulled the duvet off her face, eyes closed. “Oh man, that sounds so good right now. I know I have ibuprofen around, at least.” Peridot opened her eyes again, slowly, and looked at Amethyst and a slow smile spread across her face. “But that requires getting out of bed, and I don’t want to.”

Amethyst tried to keep a poker face and failed, giving in to the urge to smile back. “Oh? Why’s that?”

“Mmmmm. You’re here. And naked.”

“And I have terrible morning breath and need a shower.”

“Like I don’t. Can I kiss you anyway?”

Amethyst nodded, and Peridot slid over and put a hand up to cup the side of her face before kissing her softly, both of them holding their breath.

When Peridot pulled away (with obvious reluctance) she was blushing. “So does this mean I can kiss you more?”

“How often do you wanna kiss me?”

“If I’m honest, uh, a lot.”

“Oh.” Amethyst’s face was hot. “Um, sometimes? Not all the time.”

“Okay. Just, tell me if it’s too much. Or not enough. Or whatever.”

“Yeah, alright.” Having Peridot ask her anything about what she liked was new.

Peridot rolled onto her back. “Shit, I still have to go get my car.”

“Why did you drive if you knew you were gonna be drinking?”

“I didn’t know I was going to be drinking when I left the house. My original plan was going to Lapis’s to crash on her couch.”

“Why?”

Peridot cringed. “I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be here when you got home. If you came home. But on the way there I knew I still wanted to see you and I didn’t want to just wait for you, not after I’d been avoiding you so much again.”

“Yeah. I was avoiding you, too.”

Peridot was quieter now. “I’m sorry.”

“I know. Me too.” The words hung in the air, awkward and weird.

“Were you even planning to come into my room last night?”

Amethyst squirmed a little. “I don’t know. Probably. I almost never thought about it ahead of time. I usually decided to do it while I was out, or on the way home.” After she’d been drinking, but Amethyst couldn’t bring herself to say it, even though the implication was obvious.

For a moment neither of them spoke. Amethyst worried that if she started talking, she’d ask too many questions, or say too much.

“We might not have any Gatorade, but I think I’m gonna get us both some painkillers and water, and then I’ll take the bus to my car. Do you want coffee?”  

“Yeah, I’m sure Pearl’s already made a huge pot of it in the kitchen.” She always did on the weekends.

Peridot came back into her room with a glass of water and a mug of coffee (with cream and sugar, in Amethyst’s favorite mug) and the ibuprofen and put them down on the nightstand as Amethyst pulled on her clothes from last night. She sat back down on the bed and drank the water first.

“Y’know, one definite upside to fucking my roommate is that I have the shortest walk of shame ever.”

Peridot laughed, loud and genuine, making Amethyst smile. That was better. Peridot grabbed her keys and kissed Amethyst on the cheek. “Be back in a bit.”

Not long after that, Amethyst was in her own room, showered and dressed for a lazy day and messing around on her laptop, when there was a knock on her door.

“Come in.”

Peridot had a shopping bag. “Where can I put this stuff down?”

Amethyst shoved shoved a pile of laundry from her bed to the floor. Good enough.

Peridot handed her the grocery bag and sat down on the bed. It held an orange Gatorade, a box of a dozen assorted donuts, and a deli container with two burritos in it.

“Holy shit, you got us breakfast?”

“Yeah, I guess? The store was on my way home.”

Amethyst got up on her knees and leaned over to kiss Peridot’s cheek. When she sat back down, Peridot was blushing and picking out a donut.

 

Later that afternoon, after they’d eaten and Peridot had showered, they decided to watch TV in the living room. Amethyst refused to watch Camp Pining Hearts (“I feel like I’ve already seen it just from being in your room with all your posters and shit” “Those are fan art! And half of them are AU’s!”), and managed to talk Peridot into L’il Butler instead. But neither of them really saw much of it at first, because Peridot started breaking what was left of the donuts into small pieces and throwing them in the air for Amethyst to catch in her mouth, a game which led to powdered sugar all over Amethyst’s face and the couch and rather a lot of giggling, as well as Amethyst sucking sugar off Peridot’s fingers and some very sticky kisses. 

“Okay, but we really do have to clean this up a little or Pearl is going to kill us.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay.”

When they settled back onto the couch, Amethyst lay with her head in Peridot’s lap, and Peridot ran her hands through Amethyst’s hair, over and over, lulling Amethyst into a strange, blissful trance; gently interrupted now and then by Peridot’s laughter at the TV, which Amethyst herself was barely watching.

Amethyst didn’t realize she’d dozed off until she woke up to the sound of the front door. The TV was off and the blanket from the back of the couch was over her. Her head was still in Peridot’s lap, one of Peridot’s hands still idly touching her hair, and Peridot was looking up from her phone to Pearl, who’d just come home.

“So I take you two finally talked?”

Peridot looked down at her face, then back up at Pearl. “Um. Yeah. Sorta?”

“God,  _ finally _ . The two of you are some of the most stubborn people I’ve ever met." She sighed as she turned to go upstairs. "I suppose I should probably buy myself earplugs,” she muttered.

Amethyst yawned. “S’ry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.”

Peridot looked down at her with a smile. “Nah, it’s fine. You did sleep through most of the first season though.”

“I’ve seen them all like a dozen times, I think I’ll be okay.”

“You hungry? Did you want to get dinner somewhere?”

“What, like a date?!”

“Uhhh...I’d love to take you an actual date at some point, but I was thinking of just getting take-out from the Thai place.”

“Oh! Yeah, Thai sounds great now that you mention it.”

Sitting at the kitchen table shortly after, sharing boxes of take-out, it occurred to Amethyst that if this is what dating was like, it was pretty nice.  _ Maybe I won’t fuck this up. Please, god, don’t fuck this up. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is only gonna have a couple more chapters? We'll see.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This bed is on fire with passionate love  
> The neighbours complain about the noises above  
> But she only comes when she's on top
> 
> My therapist said not to see you no more  
> She said you're like a disease without any cure  
> She said I'm so obsessed that I'm becoming a bore, oh no
> 
> Ah, you think you're so pretty
> 
> ...
> 
> Moved out of the house so you moved next door  
> I locked you out, you cut a hole in the wall  
> I found you sleeping next to me, I thought I was alone  
> You're driving me crazy  
> When are you coming home?
> 
> (Laid, James)
> 
> Someone drew fan art!! I've never gotten fan art for a fic before! Aaaah!! I'm still just so awed and amazed!! <3  
> http://mauvart.tumblr.com/post/154382816237/some-doodles-from-the-fanfic-last-resort-from

That night they sat on Amethyst’s bed, practically in each other’s laps, to trade Peridot’s laptop back and forth and show each other stupid videos, making sarcastic comments and laughing until Peridot was a little wheezy. 

“Dude, do you have asthma?”

“No! It’s just from laughing!” 

Peridot could feel every place they were touching. Was it too much? But she looked over and Amethyst was smiling so big, still laughing at a video of a cat doing something ridiculous, and she felt nearly giddy. 

Amethyst noticed that Peridot wasn’t watching the laptop and looked at her, still smiling, and she was so beautiful, and Peridot impulsively kissed her on the mouth.

Amethyst kissed Peridot back and after a moment she slid her hands around Peridot’s neck. Peridot pulled her in closer, and the laptop slid off the bed onto a pile of laundry. Amethyst pushed her onto her back to kiss until they were both breathless.

Peridot slid her hands under the bottom edge of Amethyst’s hoodie, just to touch her soft back and waist.

Amethyst pulled back, biting her lip and looking nervous.

“I’ve, um. I’ve never actually done this completely sober.”

“What, kissing?”

“No, y’know, the rest of it.” 

Peridot reached up to push Amethyst’s bangs behind her ears. Would she ever get tired of being able to do that? “We don’t have to do anything right now.”

“I want to, though.” And she moved to kiss Peridot again, slowly and softly. 

Peridot rolled them onto their sides, facing each other, legs tangled, but kept up the soft kissing, sliding one hand under Amethyst’s hoodie, up and down her side. To Peridot’s delight, Amethyst wasn’t wearing anything underneath. 

Amethyst pulled back again. Peridot pushed any impatience out of her voice before asking, “What’s wrong?” 

Amethyst rubbed their clothed legs together but looked away. “Do you really like me?”

“Yes.”

Amethyst tucked her face under Peridot’s chin and wrapped an arm around her. Peridot couldn’t help moving her hand up to pet Amethyst’s hair. 

“I’m sorry,” Amethyst said, voice muffled by Peridot’s shirt.

“For what?”

“Being weird.”

“You’re fine.”

“I'm gonna fuck this up.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I'm fucking it up now by freaking out.”

“I've been fucking it up for months, Amethyst. It took me way too long to even admit I liked you.” 

They stayed that way for a little while, Peridot just running a hand over Amethyst’s hair and stroking her back, before Peridot spoke again.

“I thought you were really hot even when I came to this place the first time, to see if I could move in. But I assumed it would never happen, because, as you’ve pointed out, I’m a nerd. I’m an introvert, I spend most weekend nights reading and writing fanfiction and playing video games. My one good friend in real life is someone I mostly smoke weed and watch TV with, and I only met her because we were roommates when I first moved here after college. 

“So that first time you came into my room, I was so happy but also confused, because why would  _ you _ want  _ me _ ?”

Amethyst looked up. “You have a nice butt,” she said, and reached down to give it a squeeze. “And a cute face. And I like your hair. And the way you laugh.”

“But my hair is so short! And I sound like a cartoon villain when I laugh!”

“Yes, and it’s adorable.”

“Well, I’m glad you think so,” and her face felt hot. “But my point is, I liked you and I wanted you from the beginning. And then you came into my room that first time, and the...the sex was good even then, and it only got better after that, I think. I never asked you if you thought so, though.” 

“Um, yeah. That’s why I kept coming back. Or part of why, anyway.” 

“I just started thinking, if the sex is so good, maybe the rest might be, too; if you wanted to try.”

Amethyst pushed her face under Peridot’s chin again. “It was so hard, when you were kind to me, sometimes. I wanted it so bad, but I thought you just felt sorry for me or felt guilty. The sex I could deal with, at least when I was drunk.”

Peridot took a deep breath. “I know some of that was my fault. I was mean to you. Sometimes.” 

“What are you talking about?”

Peridot was suddenly uncomfortable in a way that made her want to run away or hide. She couldn’t look Amethyst in the face. “I pulled your hair. And I pushed on your head, that one time. And I called you a slut.” 

“I, um, I like the hair-pulling. You can keep doing that.” 

Peridot felt hot all over now. “Oh. Okay.”

“The head-pushing, I wasn’t upset about it. You mean that time a couple weeks ago, right? I’d already come twice and figured you were pretty desperate and impatient by that point. And, y’know, I am kind of a slut.”

Peridot inhaled sharply. “No, Amethyst--”

“--but it’s true.”

Amethyst sounded so matter-of-fact, and Peridot’s heart hurt. “You didn’t deserve that.”

“Yes, I did. Peridot, I came into your room nearly every week after I got drunk, just to fuck you. I never asked if you wanted to, I just climbed into your lap and shoved my tits in your face and grabbed your hand to put it up my skirt. When I wasn’t fucking you I was fucking someone else. How am I not a slut?”

“I still shouldn’t have said it, and I’m sorry.”

Amethyst shrugged. “Whatever, it’s not a big deal.”

_ It is, though; I was an asshole, you didn’t deserve that, how can you possibly think you deserved that, _ but Peridot didn’t want to argue. Instead she wrapped both arms around Amethyst and kissed the top of her head.

“I never want to do anything to hurt you again, though, okay?”

Amethyst wiggled up in the circle of Peridot’s arms until she was level with her again, and looked her in the eyes, her expression open and soft and surprised. Peridot felt like she couldn’t move or even breathe, with the way Amethyst looked at her; and then Amethyst closed her eyes and moved forward, just barely, and brushed her lips against Peridot’s. 

Peridot kissed her back, just as tentative, but then Amethyst wrapped her arms around Peridot’s neck, rolled onto her back and pulled Peridot on top of her, and soon they were kissing like they were drowning in each other, breathless again.

Amethyst wrapped both legs around one of Peridot’s and started to grind against Peridot’s thigh. Peridot slid a hand under her hoodie to grab and squeeze a breast. 

“Is this okay?”

“Yeah! Yeah. Just, hold on,” and Amethyst reached between them to unzip her hoodie. 

Peridot’s slid down just enough to push as much of a breast toward her face as she could and put her mouth on a nipple, sucking gently, feeling it thicken in her mouth. 

“Ah! That’s good.” 

Peridot sucked harder, and Amethyst made a small noise. Peridot looked up at Amethyst and let it slide out of her mouth. 

“I love doing this.” 

“Good. Do the other side.” 

She obliged, as well as pressing her knee between Amethyst’s legs, over her sweatpants. Amethyst pushed down. 

“Can I take your pants off now?”

“Yeah.”

Between the two of them they made short work of pulling off Amethyst’s sweatpants, and Peridot kissed her way up Amethyst’s thighs, salivating. She moaned when she put her mouth on Amethyst, and Amethyst gasped and gripped Peridot’s short hair. 

Amethyst was quiet other than her breathing. Peridot looked up and Amethyst’s eyes were closed and her eyebrows knit together, but she was moving against Peridot, the hand in her hair loosening and tightening. 

After a few minutes, without warning Amethyst wiggled away from Peridot’s face and said, “Wait, stop.” 

Peridot sat up, startled and worried. “What’s wrong?”

Amethyst put her hands over her face. “It’s so weird to do this without drinking. It’s all just so much more intense and I can’t stop thinking or worrying if I’m taking too long or what I look like or--”

“It’s okay.” Peridot moved back up the bed, wiping her face on the sheets before lying next to Amethyst. 

“I just feel so weird right now.”

“It’s alright, really.” Peridot kissed the hands over Amethyst’s face. 

Amethyst put her hands down and giggled. “Oh god, your face smells like pussy.”

Peridot licked her lips and tried not to show how turned-on she was. “Yeah.”

“Also, you’re still totally dressed, that’s not fair. Take your clothes off.” Peridot did, dropping it all to the pile on the floor with Amethyst’s pants and the laptop, as Amethyst sat up and took off her unzipped hoodie.

Peridot lay on her back and Amethyst sat next to Peridot and looked her up and down, and reached out a hand to cup one of her small breasts. She gently pinched Peridot’s nipple, and Peridot jumped a little.

“No?”

“It’s fine, I’m just not used to it.”

“We’ve always been in such a hurry, I’ve never really just touched you.”

It was Peridot’s turn to feel self-conscious, as Amethyst touched her all over--her breasts, her small waist, her stomach, her wide hips. Peridot closed her eyes so she could focus on the sensation and not on how Amethyst was looking at her. 

Amethyst’s hand slid slowly up the inside of one thigh, with just enough pressure not to be ticklish, and Peridot moved her legs apart slightly. She still made a sound out of surprise when Amethyst’s fingers slid between her labia, dipping in just barely before stroking on either side of her clit. Peridot opened her eyes and Amethyst was smiling down at her with a mischievous expression. 

“Mmm, what got you so wet?”

“Giving you oral a few minutes ago.”

“Peri?” 

“Yeah?” Her voice sounded a little rough even to herself.

“Why do you usually let me come first?”

She was finding it hard to focus. “Um, you’re really hot when you come.”

“Tell me.” 

“ _ Oh, oh god, _ you make the best sounds, and I love watching your face when I can,  _ ah! _ \--and I like the way you move around, and if my fingers are inside you I can feel it,  _ fuck, _ you squeeze my fingers and get a lot wetter, and I know I did that.” Peridot was panting at this point. “It’s just,  _ ah, ah! _ \--so fucking hot, especially when you come more than once.”

“Also because you like to suck my pussy juice off your fingers.” 

_ “Yes,” _ Peridot groaned out. Amethyst dipped in to wet her fingers again, before sliding them against Peridot’s clit as Peridot moved her hips to get the rhythm and pressure she wanted.

Amethyst took one of Peridot’s hands away from where it was clutching at the bed, and pulled it between her legs. Peridot took the hint, sliding two fingers into her slick warmth, but Amethyst pulled Peridot’s hand away and put it to Peridot’s mouth, only letting go once she was sucking on her wet fingers. Shortly after, Peridot’s toes curled and her feet kicked and she came, groaning and drooling around her fingers in her mouth while looking up at Amethyst. 

“You’re pretty hot when you come, too.” 

“Thanks?” Peridot was still catching her breath and twitching. 

She cleared her throat, once her body had settled a little, and turned towards Amethyst. “Your turn. Tell me what you want.”

Amethyst lay down and blushed. “Can you fuck me while I masturbate?” 

“Yeah!” Peridot sat up and watched Amethyst slip her fingers between her legs and was almost derailed by the sight of them, moving up and down between Amethyst’s slick labia. She slid her fingers into Amethyst again, and leaned over to kiss Amethyst as best she could. Amethyst was soon breathing unevenly and rocking against her hand and Peridot struggled to focus on what her hand was doing while they kissed, and then Amethyst fell back and looked at her and said, “Oh, god, Peri, I always want you, I always--always--” and cried out, over and over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Like Peridot, if I laugh too much, I actually do wheeze a little and cough. Not when I run, or ride my bicycle--just when I laugh. Laughter-induced asthma? Is that a thing?)
> 
> I have another chapter--well, an epilogue that takes place several months later--mostly written, but otherwise, y'all, this is it! Holy shit. O_O
> 
> In other news: Some of my readers don't have ao3 accounts! I highly, highly recommend signing up for ao3, for one very very good reason: You can subscribe to fics/writers and get emailed when they update! That way if you're following fics by people with....unpredictable update schedules (ahem), you don't have to keep refreshing the website. Also you can have an icon next to your name and track your fic-reading history and bookmark your fave stories (I never did use that function, alas; I've been meaning to bookmark all my fave SU fics one o'these days). Also there's a small percentage of fics locked to people with ao3 accounts.
> 
> ALSO if, y'know, almost four years later you get into a new fandom and suddenly want to start writing for the OTP that's taken over your entire life, you'll already have an account and then you can post it before you get too nervous--which is what happened to me. :D


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll be given love  
> You'll be taken care of  
> You'll be given love  
> You have to trust it
> 
> Maybe not from the sources  
> You have poured yours  
> Maybe not from the directions  
> You are staring at
> 
> Twist your head around  
> It's all around you  
> All is full of love  
> All around you
> 
> All is full of love  
> You just ain't receiving  
> All is full of love  
> Your phone is off the hook  
> All is full of love  
> Your doors are all shut  
> All is full of love
> 
> (All is Full of Love, Björk)
> 
> (I have the title of that song as a tattoo on one arm. <3)

 

Amethyst came home from work to find a box labeled to Peridot on the front porch. She picked it up and unlocked the door, then ran upstairs with the box under one arm and a grin on her face and pulled out her phone.

**Amethyst:** dude they’re here

**Peridot:** I know, I’ve been watching the package tracking.   
**Peridot:** Don’t open it yet!

**Amethyst:** lol too late

Amethyst sent two photos, one after the other: one of a postal box, cut open and spilling bubble wrap all over Amethyst’s bed. The other of the two smaller boxes inside. 

**Amethyst:** k but I won’t open them   
**Amethyst:** just get home already!!!!   
**Amethyst:** but get pizza first

**Peridot:** I have to clock out!

Peridot got home less than hour later with the required pizza, and under some unspoken agreement, they acted as though nothing was different--they talked about their work days and ate pizza and had a bottle of beer each, the weird bitter stuff Peridot always bought that cost more. (Amethyst still wasn’t sure if she liked it.) Their other roommates came in and out and talked about normal things, but as Peridot nibbled on a crust and chatted with Pearl about something mundane, Amethyst started to get antsy, and nudged Peridot’s foot with her own under the table. 

Peridot looked at her and smiled and got up and grabbed the empty bottles to put into recycling. Amethyst closed the box on the two slices that were left and shoved the whole box into the fridge before going upstairs. 

Amethyst sat on her bed bouncing with anticipation, and Peridot walked in and closed the door and sat next to her.. 

Amethyst had already pushed the empty postal box off to the side and was popping bubble wrap as she watched Peridot open the smaller boxes that had been inside. Peridot pulled a harness out of the tissue paper and looked it over with an amused expression before setting it aside, then opened the dildo they’d picked out a week and change ago, after nearly a week’s worth of talking and texting each other links. They’d found a silicone one they both liked, swirled green and purple. Pricey, but not so bad with the cost split between the two of them.

Amethyst grabbed the dildo and held it, appreciating its heft.  _ This is gonna go  _ in _ me.  _ It was a strange and arousing thought.  “Are you gonna put it all on?”

“Right now?!”

“Yeah!” She put the dildo down and kissed Peridot. The kiss turned heated and Peridot pushed her flat on her back, which would normally be good, but soon Amethyst felt wiggly and impatient again. 

“Yeah, now!” 

“Okay, okay, but I think I should go wash this off. It’s been in a box with styrofoam and stuff.”

As the sink ran in the bathroom across the hall, Amethyst pulled off her clothes and put up her hair in a loose bun and grabbed the (water-based) lube from her bedside drawer. 

Peridot’s eyebrows went up when she came back into the room to find Amethyst already naked, but she put the dildo down on the bed, and then started taking off her own clothes. Amethyst watched her, starting to feel warmer just from the shy way Peridot exposed more of her skin, pushing down her jeans and underwear and pulling her top and bra off over her head.

She stood holding the harness in front of her, blushing. “I think I know how this works.” She stepped into the two loops and pulled it all up. “Help me with this.”

Peridot tightened the waist, and then they each adjusted one of the buckled straps that went down from the front to go under her butt cheeks. Peridot turned around in a little self-conscious circle. “Well?”

Amethyst had to clear her throat. “It, uh, it frames your ass nicely, I gotta say.” 

She handed Peridot the dildo, and they figured out the snaps and the o-ring with a little trial and error and giggling. Peridot stepped back, now sporting a cock. A purple and green silicone cock with a slightly bulbous head and a slight curve. Amethyst was hot all over even in the cool air of the room. 

Peridot looked down, then back up at Amethyst. “I look ridiculous.”

“No, you don’t. You look great. C’mere and kiss me again.”

Peridot did, eager as always, but when they went to lay down they both quickly found that the fake dick got in the way. “Next time I’ll put it on just before we want to use it.”

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”

“How do people with actual dicks deal with this?”

Amethyst laughed at Peridot’s expression of frustration. “I have no idea.”

Peridot moved down Amethyst’s body, kissing and licking and sucking and nibbling as she went, and Amethyst felt like she was melting and burning at the same time. She opened her legs so Peridot could get between them, heard Peridot moan when she got to her pussy and echoed it back. She almost forgot about the dildo for a bit, just enjoying Peridot’s mouth on her, until she looked down and saw Peridot lying with her hips twisted nearly sideways so she wasn’t lying on top of it, and sucked in a breath in anticipation. Peridot heard it and looked up. 

“You want it now?”

“Oh, god. Yes. But I wanna be on top at first.”

Peridot sat up, licking her lips, before moving up the bed and laying flat on her back, the silicone cock jutting up into the air. 

Amethyst sat up and moved to straddle Peridot, then remembered the lube, fumbling around for it in the bedding. 

“Honestly we probably don’t need this, but just in case.” She sat back a little to spread a little lube over the dildo, and couldn’t help wrapping her hand around it for a moment and moving up and down like she was jerking it off. 

“That’s sexier to watch than I expected,” Peridot said, her voice breathy. 

“Yeah? Want me to keep doing it?”

“Nah, it’s not like I can really feel it. And I wanna fuck you with it.”

Amethyst swallowed and moved up and over it, then paused and looked up at Peridot’s face: aroused and excited and a little nervous, and leaned down to kiss her, before she grabbed the dildo at the base and closed her eyes to focus and slid down, the lube and Peridot’s spit and her own arousal making it easy to take it in all in one motion, letting it fill her up. 

“Oh. That’s...that’s good.” Amethyst rested both hands on Peridot’s shoulders and started moving, slowly at first. Peridot put her hands on Amethyst’s hips and pushed back, in rhythm with her. “Yeah, like that.”

She leaned over a little more to adjust her knees, and her tits were nearly in Peridot’s face. Peridot took one hand off Amethyst’s hips and pulled a breast towards her mouth to suck on a nipple, and the sensation shot straight to Amethyst’s cunt, making her gasp and move faster. 

But she wanted...something. When Peridot let go of her breast and lay back, Amethyst sat up a little, and the head of the dildo rubbed against her g-spot.  _ Oh, yes. _ She leaned further back, putting a hand behind her, and moved up and down.  

“Oh my god, Peri, right there,” and she glanced down to see that Peridot was staring at where their bodies met with her mouth open in wonder, pushing back against her, tightening her grip on Amethyst’s hips.

Peridot licked her lips and braced her feet on the bed and started thrusting harder, making everything on Amethyst bounce as she pushed back, and Amethyst heard her own sounds go up in pitch and volume, it was so good, but her knees were starting to ache, and--

“Peri, wait, I can’t,  _ ah! _ \--I can’t come sitting up like this, and I wanna come so bad, hold on.” Amethyst pulled off and rolled away, then moved up to all fours, leaning on her bent arms with her knees slightly apart and her ass in the air.

“What, like this?”

“Yeah, do it.”

“Fuck, okay.” And Peridot got up to kneeling behind her and after some fumbling slid it in again, _yes like that yes,_ and Amethyst moaned and pushed back, and then Peridot was gripping Amethyst’s hips and fucking her hard and holy shit, the slapping sound when their thighs met with each thrust was almost as loud as Amethyst was. Amethyst arched her back, making the head rub right where she wanted it, and reached down with one hand to touch her clit, yes, that was it, _yes,_ she was almost there-- But Peridot reached over and grabbed a handful of Amethyst’s hair, close to her scalp; and pulled on it hard enough that Amethyst couldn’t hide her face in her arms anymore, and that was enough to push her over the edge.

“Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh my god, oh, oh, oh!” and Peridot would later swear she could feel the resistance of Amethyst’s cunt clamping down as she came, moaning and gushing a little as she spasmed around the dildo, and Peridot let go of her hair but kept going, drawing out Amethyst’s orgasm in twitchy little waves that just kept going and going while she whimpered, until her shaking thighs gave out from under her and Peridot collapsed on top of her and both of them panted. 

“Holy shit.” Amethyst’s voice was muffled by the pillow under her face.

Peridot pulled out, picked herself up off Amethyst’s sweaty back, and lay next to her. 

Amethyst looked over and Peridot was masturbating, sweaty and flushed, reaching around behind the dildo, and licking her lips again. “Um, Amethyst, can I--” 

“Yeah! Just take that off first.” 

Amethyst slid down the bed a little on her back, as Peridot fumbled with the buckles and dropped the harness on the bed, then scrambled to straddle Amethyst’s face, her own face towards Amethyst’s pussy. Amethyst reached up to hold Peridot open the way she liked as Peridot made her jump, licking her over-sensitive pussy with a groan.

Peridot was soon rocking her hips against Amethyst’s face, not really giving Amethyst oral so much as just rubbing her face in it and licking up all she could get of Amethyst’s orgasm, until Peridot swore and came, groaning into Amethyst as her whole body jerked, then rolled off again, turning around to face Amethyst before collapsing into the bed, still catching her breath. 

Amethyst kicked the harness and dildo off the bed before she pulled the bedding up over them, her drying sweat making her feel cold. Peridot faced her and wrapped an arm around her. “I’d kiss you, but my face is covered in pussy.”

“So’s mine. Kiss me anyway.” All the urgency gone out of it, leaving behind kisses of soft affection and a sweet, heavy drowsiness. Amethyst knew she should clean them both up a little but was too happy and tired to care, so instead she sat up long enough to switch off the light before wiggling back against Peridot so she could be the little spoon, wrapped up in Peridot’s arms, and soon drifted off to sleep, feeling safe and content and loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three things!
> 
> First: Thank you so much for reading this! Parts of this fic are really personal, and I know the story is messy in places because of that, but this is my first finished multi-chapter fic! Not bad considering I only started really writing fic this last May.
> 
> Secondly, a disclaimer: I worry that this part comes across as, “Now that they’ve been together a bit, they have something approximating ‘real’ (which is to say, hetero) sex.” When instead my intent is, “Now that they’ve been together a bit, they’re willing to try new things, and spend money on toys that are specifically for sexy times together.”
> 
> Thirdly: I want to talk about this particular version of Peridot. Because I think that it’s harder to see the ways in which she was an asshole in the first few chapters compared to Amethyst, and how much I toned that aspect down after the first chapter, and I know some of my readers are pretty young, and I feel a responsibility to warn you against a certain kind of asshole in real life. But I've gone way over the number of characters that fit in an author's note; so I'm going to make a comment to this chapter after I've posted it.


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